MaeLynn's Journey

Last Post

2011-06-02T13:07:00.000-07:00

We are all still really missing MaeLynn. Her headstone is finally up, so if you want to go see it, just head to the North Logan Cemetery (2500 N. in North Logan...all the way east by the mouth of Green Canyon). This will be the last post I make on her journey. Her kids and husband seem to be doing okay adjusting to her absence and now the new presence of a new mother. Continue to keep them in your prayers. God bless.

April 1, 2011....and no these are not April Fool's Jokes :)

2011-04-01T09:02:00.000-07:00

Well, we are all still missing Mae lots, but apparently she's busy helping out her little family from the other side! Andrew feels like she has sent a very special lady to be with him and the kids, and he's asked her to marry him!

Her name is Aimee Ream, and she lives in Brigham City. She fits right in with the family...the little kids especially seem to love her. Aimee has two kids of her own, so yours-mine-and ours will equal a 9-person family! Whew! Andy has been looking for a larger house for everyone and found a nice one on the east side of Smithfield. They'll be signing on Friday and starting to move Aimee in soon. Andrew will move in with his family after the wedding.

The wedding is set for May 14th, and I'm sure there will be announcements sent out in the next few weeks.

The kids all seem to be doing really well. I don't see as much of them as I used to, but from what I can see, and from what I hear from Andy, they're doing great! Thanks again for all the prayers for the family and kind thoughts and deeds!

A Beautiful Funeral for a Beautiful Lady

2011-02-07T19:38:00.000-08:00

This is Abby...MaeLynn's baby. When we got to the cemetery she said, "What's in that big hole?" I said, "There's nothing in it yet. That's where your mom gets to hang out for the next few years. At least her body does. Her spirit is probably right here, though, giving you kisses. What do you think?" She thought about it for a few seconds, and then smiled and said, "Uh huh!"

A HUGE thank you to all who attended MaeLynn's funeral, some coming long distances. Thank you so much to all the people who helped with the luncheon afterward. Thank you to those who've sent flowers or cards or who've made phone calls to let the family know you care.

The funeral was just beautiful. MaeLynn's hair and make-up were done by Andy's sister, Jami, and his Aunt Marie. I thought she looked perfect. She even had a daisy in her hair.

Her kids each made a card or gave MaeLynn something to "take with her" and put in her casket. One of the twins (or was it Abby?) went over to her casket on Saturday, peeked in, and then went back to Andy's dad a.k.a. Poppa. "Well, Poppa, she's still dead," he said. It's such an abstract concept for them. They all are as cute and crazy as ever. Who knows when it will sink in?

The funeral service went quite nicely. It was all recorded, so as soon as I can, I'll type it up. For now, I do have the life sketch because MaeLynn and I wrote it together. So for whoever wasn't there, here it is:

MaeLynn was born April 11^th, 1980—a healthy sweet baby girl. Her parents, Marie and Jerry Kartchner decided to combine two of their favorite names to make MaeLynn’s name. Mae is Marie’s mother’s name and Lyn is a good friend of theirs. MaeLynn has always really liked her name and the fact that it’s one of a kind. Although…sometimes when people who have not met her hear her name, they get confused. Andrew’s grandmother used to ask him when he was dating MaeLynn, “When are you going to bring that oriental girl over to see us?”

MaeLynn has one sister, Jamie, who was born 10 months after MaeLynn. They grew up doing just about everything together. Some of MaeLynn’s favorite childhood memories were of jumping on the trampoline in the backyard, playing night games with the neighborhood kids in the summer, family trips in the camper, and visiting cousins across the U.S. By the time she was twelve, she’d been to New Jersey, the Redwoods in northern CA, the coast of Oregon, and Yellowstone. She also loved going to the Sweetwater condo in Bear Lake with her family and fishing with her grandparents just outside of Burley, Idaho.

She grew up in Cottonwood Heights and has really only known three houses. The first, on MacIntosh Lane in Salt Lake, the second at Yorkshire Condos in North Logan, and finally her family’s current home. She lived in multiple apartments at USU, but she claims they don’t count.

MaeLynn has been a gentle, kind-hearted person her whole life. She’s always had a soft spot for animals and has had four dogs, a parakeet, a cat, a hamster, a lizard, frogs, multiple fish (one of which survived her crazy college days!), and don’t forget the hermit crabs that the kids forgot to put back in their cage and have still never been found.

She loved to paint and took classes throughout her childhood and teenage years. She also joined a tole-painting group in Logan when she went to college. Her mother has her artwork all over her house.

She always tried to include everyone and make people feel loved and wanted. She was always active in church throughout primary and Young Women. She said, “I did everything even if I didn’t really like it or want to do it….which was especially true of sports…or things that required a lot of coordination.”

When MaeLynn was 12 she discovered she had scoliosis. Doctors decided she needed to wear a large plastic back brace, which she named Matilda, 12 hours a day until she was 16. At this point she stopped growing and they were able to do major back surgery. Surgeons inserted a Harrington stainless steel rod along each side of her spine and fused 15 vertebrae in her back.

MaeLynn said that “the opportunity to have back surgery was life-changing.” Without surgery, doctors predicted that she’d be in a wheelchair by 30 and not be able to carry or birth any children. She wouldn’t have been able to have her five beautiful children or the fifteen years of fairly full functionality. Her testimony was also strengthened though the extreme faith and prayers of family and ward members during the time of her back surgery and recovery. She healed much faster than the doctors said she would.

She told me it took about 6 weeks for her to be able to get up and around by herself. Bless her mother’s heart…she had MaeLynn all set up on the couch that whole time and would come at the ring of a bell to help her.

In high school she wrote for the school newspaper and is skilled at writing and editing. Also in high school, she attended many football and basketball games with friends. These are her own words, “Not because I actually understood or even liked the games! Just because it was a social event!” MaeLynn did hundreds of things throughout her life just to get out and socialize!! She was always busy with some party or date and continued from high school into college with the same enthusiasm. Along with her enjoyment of the good times, though, she worked hard to keep her grades up and do well in what she calls: dumb, over-rated, made-me-miserable @*!&*! AP classes.

After high school, she attended Utah State University, studying…what else?…Public Relations! She had many great experiences in her LDS sorority, with roommates, and of course…dating. MaeLynn said she really felt drawn to USU. She wanted to stay close to home, but also experience campus living. Logan was the perfect place for her. In my one short year of living with her we managed to put her in the E.R. two times that I can remember. Once from an allergic reaction to Neosporin (I unwittingly told her to rub it all over a blister the size of a half dollar on her heel) and once from cracking her head open in Providence Cave, as she was rappelling. We would giggle a lot about the extremely coarse wiry hair that grew out of her scar for a long time.

Even though she could be a magnet for disaster, she was also a magnet for people. She was always going on some fun date or another.

She kept all the boys at bay for three years at USU, until dundundun…. She met Andrew Harris (of North Logan) at a multi-ward dance at “the golden toaster,” and the rest is history. Not only did she fall in love with Andy, but also his parents: Pam and Lee, and his siblings: Shane and Jami. They have always been so kind, giving, warm, and helpful to MaeLynn, Andrew, and their little family.

MaeLynn and Andrew were married on June 22, 2001, in the Jordan River Temple. MaeLynn finished out her last year at USU as a married woman. She graduated in May of 2002 with a BS in Communications, and became a mother in July of 2002. Kendall Marie was born July 11, 2002. MaeLynn had Ellie in February 2004. This was a huge transition for MaeLynn and she struggled quite a bit, but she hung in there and LOVES those little girls.

Most of you know MaeLynn was adopted as an infant. In April of 2005, MaeLynn was able to meet her birth parents. Ever since high school MaeLynn had wondered about her birth mother. Who was she? Where was she now? So after years of wondering if and when she could meet her, MaeLynn contacted the Utah State Adoption Registry. She was surprised to find that her birth mother was looking for her, too. She actually lived in West Valley…just half an hour away from where MaeLynn grew up. And not only did MaeLynn find her birth mother, Lori, but also her birth father, Andy. They had married! And MaeLynn had three full biological siblings: Devan, Jaide, and Tonia! It was an amazing discovery and MaeLynn has since formed a close friendship with her biological family.

Another big surprise came that next winter. MaeLynn found out she was pregnant with twin boys! She had Triston and Sawyer in June of 2006. Then, even though it seemed crazy, MaeLynn KNEW there was one more little spirit waiting to join the family. She had sweet little Abigail in August 2007.

These years added a lot of stress and a lot of fulfillment to MaeLynn’s life. Although she had to slow down and then finally completely stop painting, she loved those kids and did all that she could to make them happy. She did many arts and crafts projects with them. She took them to parks. She let them eat cookies for breakfast. I think. She tried to let them have dogs. (Although that was quickly curtailed!) She also survived for a year in a two-bedroom condo with four small children! During this time Andrew was busy working long, long days…quite often till 10 pm, so it was quite a challenge for MaeLynn.

When MaeLynn and Andy got married, they bought the condo in Logan. By the time MaeLynn was pregnant with Abby, and they couldn’t fit one more bed in the kids’ bedroom, and they couldn’t fit a crib in the hall, they decided it was time to move on. In May 2007 they sold their condo and moved to the home they live in now on 300 East.

They’ve made many good memories while living in their current home. They’ve gone on camping trips, fishing trips, to family reunions and to San Diego...which is one of the kids' favorite memories of being with Mom.

In May of 2009 MaeLynn found out she had low-grade neuro-endocrine cancer. Everyone’s first thoughts were, “Okay, when does treatment start? What are you going to do? How can we help?” But as prognoses sounded more and more gloomy, MaeLynn realized that seeking treatment was not what she wanted to do. She was given lots of options between chemo, radiation, homeopathic ideas, etc. But nothing really sounded like it had a good chance of fixing her problem. She prayed A LOT and went to the temple, searching for the right thing to do. She felt an incredible peace and calm when she decided to forgo any treatment. She really felt like she would be blessed and that her family would be okay without her.

She has always seemed to have a sixth sense about important things in life. She knew when it was time to have another baby. She knew when others needed help or a phone call or a hug or fresh cut flowers, or just a listening ear. She knew that she wanted to live the end of her life in peace and not suffering from adverse effects of radiation or chemotherapy. She HAS been blessed to be around her kids these last few months and to have not been in too much pain. She even knew, two weeks ago, that her time was drawing near. She gave Andy her "two-weeks notice" on the 16th of January.

She’s been so good-natured about everything, too. She’d walk around patting her belly as it grew bigger from the tumors. She even named them, “Wilma.” One day Andy threw a pencil to her and it hit her stomach. It made a thump like a watermelon, and they both laughed and laughed at that. She has been able to see the humor in things. It’s been amazing to watch MaeLynn and Andrew over this last year. Like every marriage, they had good times and rough times…but they have grown so close lately. MaeLynn has really softened and appreciated the goodness of Andy. Andy has softened and helped MaeLynn and the kids out more than ever. MaeLynn said she feels like they’re a cute little 70-year-old couple in the way that they get along and understand each other.

MaeLynn has also had an incredible journey within herself. She wishes everyone could have the same realization that she’s had: She says, "Just love yourselves and don’t be too hard on yourself. We’re all doing the best we can, and Heavenly Father knows what’s in our hearts". If MaeLynn were here in person, she’d tell everyone, “Thank you, I love you…..”

MaeLynn lived a good life. We are all better for having known her. She fought the good fight, and has now moved on to a new adventure.

We will all miss her so much. I find myself wanting to talk to her, call her up and say, "Guess what happened today?" I can almost picture her near me sometimes, and it makes me smile. Her sweet hospice nurse told me that there is some excellent grief support at www.nelsonfuneralhome.com, so if you're struggling, go there. It is hard to have her gone, but yet MaeLynn worked so hard to help us all feel like it would be okay. She had a lot of faith and intuition. We should do the same.

Here are a couple pictures from the funeral. It was a fairly warm day (for Cache Valley), and although it looked like it was going to storm all day, it waited until Saturday night.
This one is Pam (Andy's mom) holding one of the twins, cousin Cole, Ellie, Kendall, Poppa holding the other twin. Kendall's lower lip pulls at your heartstrings. She's sure put on a tough front this week.

Here are the pallbearers: In front= Andy and Devan Reese (biological father and brother), in the middle= Shane Harris (Andy's brother) and Tim Moser (family friend), in back= David Moser (friend) and Zach Norton (brother-in-law)

Here are Ellie (whose 7th birthday was Thursday) and Andrew at the cemetery.

After the services, Kendall and Ellie chose some of the flowers to take home. They both have teddy bears that came from the preschool where Abby and the twins go. Ellie named hers Rosie, and Kendall named hers MaeLynn.

Another good friend/old roommate of MaeLynn's took lots of pictures, so as soon as I can, I'll post some of them. Eventually I'll get a copy of the song that Andy's brother played on the guitar for MaeLynn, and post that as well. It was so poignant. For anyone who missed the funeral, I'm sorry.

If you ever want to visit MaeLynn's gravesite, it's in the North Logan Memorial Park on 2500 N. in Logan...as far east as you can go. It is in a beautiful location right by Green Canyon. You can look out over the entire valley...right where MaeLynn would love to be.

One more thought, and then I'll close this incredibly long post. If anyone has good/funny/special memories of MaeLynn, I think it would be very appropriate for you to express them. Whether it be on MaeLynn's facebook page, or as a comment here on the blog, or in a letter to her family, it would be neat to have that for her children. The littlest ones I'm sure can only remember her as a sick/tired mother...they don't know all the amazing things she did and said, and the funny quirky times she had with old friends and family. They can build a picture of her through our memories. So, if/when you get a minute, write them down and send them. Love to you all---

2011-02-02T19:47:00.000-08:00

Lee Harris, MaeLynn's father-in-law has set up a Team MaeLynn for the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life in Logan, summer 2011. If you want to join the team, or donate to the cause, click on this link.

The American Cancer Society - 2011 Relay For Life of Cache County UT: main.acsevents.org

It is definitely a worthy cause, and MaeLynn would have loved for friends and family to be a part of it. Lee also did this last year for MaeLynn. A neat way to remember a neat person.

Also, here is MaeLynn's actual obituary:

MaeLynn (Kartchner) Harris (1980 - 2011)

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MaeLynn Kartchner Harris, beloved wife, mother, daughter and friend, passed away quietly at home Jan. 31, 2011, from neuroendocrine cancer.
MaeLynn was born April 11, 1980, in Salt Lake City, Utah. She is the daughter of Jerry Charles Kartchner and Marie Hanks Kartchner. She attended school in Salt Lake City and graduated from Brighton High School in 1998. In 2002 she graduated from Utah State University with a major in public relations.
MaeLynn married Andrew Lee Harris of North Logan, Utah, on June 22, 2001, in the Jordan River LDS Temple. They made their home in Logan. They are the parents of five children: Kendall (8), Ellie (6), Triston (4), Sawyer (4), and Abigail (3).
MaeLynn was an amazingly sweet person who brought joy to whomever she met. She loved painting, being outdoors, and socializing. She will be remembered as a happy, fun-loving, kind, beautiful woman who loved life. She served faithfully in multiple callings in the LDS Church and had a firm and abiding testimony. Her children were her joy and happiness and she was an excellent mother.
As a family we would like to thank all of those who cared so lovingly for MaeLynn and her family during her illness. The kindness, effort, and generosity extended in her behalf were without limit and were greatly appreciated.
MaeLynn is survived by her husband and children, her parents, her sister, Jamie, and her maternal grandmother, Mae Hanks, for whom she was named. She is also survived by her in-laws, Lee and Pamela Harris, and her biological family, Andy and Lori Reese, Devan, Jaide and Tonia.
Funeral services will be held Saturday, Feb. 5, 2011, at 1 p.m. at the Logan 10th Ward chapel located at 792 N. 500 East, Logan, Utah. A viewing will be held Friday, Feb. 4, 2011, from 6 to 8 p.m. at the Nelson Funeral Home located at 162 E. 400 North, Logan, and Saturday at the church, 11:30 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. prior to the funeral service. Interment will be at the North Logan City Cemetery, 2000 E. 2500 North, North Logan. Online guest book at nelsonfuneralhome.com.

Published in Logan Herald Journal from February 2 to February 16, 2011

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2011-02-01T09:12:00.001-08:00

Funeral Saturday February 5th 2011

2011-02-01T07:25:00.000-08:00

This is a rough draft of MaeLynn's obituary. Tomorrow you can find the real deal at hjnews.com.

MaeLynn Kartchner Harris

MaeLynn Kartchner Harris, beloved daughter, wife, mother, and friend, passed away quietly at home on January 31, 2011 from neuroendocrine cancer.

MaeLynn was born April 11, 1980 in Salt Lake City, Utah. Her parents are Jerry and Marie Kartchner of Cottonwood Heights. She lived in Salt Lake until graduating from Brighton High in 1998. She then went on to Utah State University in Logan, graduating in 2002. Logan has been her home ever since.

She married Andrew Lee Harris of North Logan on June 22, 2001 in the Jordan River Temple and has five children: Kendall(8) , Ellie(6), Triston(4), Sawyer(4), and Abigail(3).

MaeLynn was an amazingly sweet person who brought joy to whomever she met. She loved painting, being outdoors, and being around other people. She served faithfully in multiple callings in the LDS church and worked hard to love her children and teach them to choose the right. Her absence will create a hole in many lives, but we are grateful she is not suffering anymore.

She is preceded in death by 3 grandparents. She is survived by her Grandmother Hanks; her parents, Jerry and Marie; sister, Jamie; husband, Andrew; children, Kendall, Ellie, Triston, Sawyer, Abigail; parents-in-law, Pamela and Lee Harris; brother and sister-in-law, Shane Harris and Jamie Harris Norton; biological parents, Andy and Lori Reese; biological brother and sisters, Devan, Jaide, and Tonia.

There will be a viewing on Friday, February 4th from 6-8 pm at the Nelson funeral home at 162 E. 400 N. in Logan.

A viewing will be held on Saturday, February 5, 2011 from 11:30 to 12:30 at the LDS church at 792 N. 500 E. in Logan. The funeral will be at 1:00 p.m. Saturday. Interment will be at the North Logan Cemetery. Condolences can be expressed at nelsonfuneralhome.com.

MaeLynn's Journey Continuing on the Other Side

2011-01-31T05:47:00.000-08:00

This morning around 6:00 a.m., Andrew felt like the time was near. He got the kids up to say goodbye, and pretty soon afterwords, MaeLynn passed on to the other side.

These past couple of days she's been having a really hard time breathing. I'm sure the lovely Logan smog has been no help. I talked to her for quite a while last night, and she sounded really rattly.

She was coherent till the very end, and that was a huge blessing. She was always so mortified when she'd find out she'd been doing something crazy.

It's such a blessing for her to finally be out of that constrictive body, but oh how hard to lose such a sweet soul. I guess she's not lost, just gone for a little while. God bless everyone.

I think the funeral will be on Saturday, but I'll let everyone know more details when we have more.

January 21, 2011

2011-01-21T20:30:00.000-08:00

So MaeLynn seems to be about the same that she has been all week. She's able to communicate fine... just really tired. She told me tonight that she spent most of the day in her chair. She doesn't have much of an appetite, either. She has moments of delirium, but they are very short-lived, thankfully. Andrew told me that she had a fight with a ninja the other day while she was blow drying her hair.

I keep thinking how I always post that MaeLynn loves to have visitors and phone calls, but I'm realizing that Andy needs the phone calls and visits just as much as MaeLynn. Even though he puts up a tough front I know this is really really hard on him. How could it be anything else. So..if you haven't already, let him know you care.

Thank heavens for good medications for MaeLynn, oxygen to keep up her energy, and sweet and helpful hospice nurses. Things are going as well as can be expected, and MaeLynn is not in pain. Till next time...

"Although the purpose of the suffering is not always apparent at the time, the Prophet Joseph had a singularly spiritual experience as he lingered in Liberty Jail. The Lord comforted him:

“My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;

“And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.”

“Know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.

“The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?”"

January 18, 2010

2011-01-18T16:39:00.000-08:00

It was about this time last year that we were planning MaeLynn's gigantic birthday party!

MaeLynn started out the year okay. These last couple of weeks have been a little harder for her. Today Andrew made these posts on facebook:

"Her breathing is very difficult today, and her color is getting in the grey tones. She has a lot of swelling in her extremities, and she feels cold all the time. I'm not a doctor, but the prognosis seems very grim. I'm not making a prediction that this is the end for sure. Heaven knows I've been wrong before, but this just seems like it's worse this time!
If anyone would like to call her that is perfectly fine. She is sleeping alot, but you may get lucky! Visits are welcome also, just give me a call! (435)787-4127"

Andrew also told me that MaeLynn has been in and out of lucidity today. When she was having a "better" moment, she told him that she felt like the end is near. He says she gave him her "two weeks notice"...but who knows.

MaeLynn is a tough cookie! She's sweet and positive, as usual. She's just not awake very much. She and Andrew want to thank, once again, everyone for their thoughts and prayers and kind deeds.

This is for MaeLynn along with all you who've done so much:
"At the final day the Savior will not ask about the nature of our callings. He will not inquire about our material possessions or fame. He will ask if we ministered to the sick, gave food and drink to the hungry, visited those in prison, or gave succor to the weak. When we reach out to assist the least of Heavenly Father's children, we do it unto him. That is the essence of the gospel of Jesus Christ." ---Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin

Article from Herald Journal

2011-01-02T13:48:00.000-08:00

Two Sundays ago, this article was printed in the Cache Valley Herald Journal:

A WONDERFUL YEAR IN SPITE OF SAD NEWS

This has been a wonderful year for our family. Last Christmas we were pretty sad, thinking that this was the last Christmas for MaeLynn. We struggled with the thought, "What do you give someone who is dying for Christmas?" We all chose gifts with that in mind and I will never forget the looks on Kendall's and Ellie's faces as they helped MaeLynn put on her necklaces that they had chosen for her. These necklaces will be theirs one day to always remember that they have a very special angel watching over them.
It seemed that every time we had a reason to get together and celebrate something this year there was that sadness knowing that MaeLynn would soon be gone, we all struggled with it, except MaeLynn. She approached every opportunity to be together as a family with an air of happiness and excitement. She was just happy, and many of us didn't understand how she did it. One day I asked her about it and she told me that once she had decided on her treatment, she was totally at peace and she just wanted to see her family grow closer together and to not let her diagnosis interfere with all the happy moments. I thought about that and she was right, we needed to just forget the sadness and enjoy the moment what ever it was. That was the beginning of our "wonderful year." We took every opportunity we could to just be together. We found excuses to celebrate---often even when there seemed to be none. MaeLynn wanted to celebrate the entire year while she felt good, and so we had her 30th birthday two months early in January. We have had extra Valentines, Easter, 4th of July, Halloween, and Thanksgiving celebrations just for her. When the real holiday arrived we had a "real bonus" and celebrated yet again.
Looking back now on a year full of celebrations we have all noticed the same thing. We have learned to focus on enjoying every day no matter what it was. We have learned the value of love, and expressing that love to each other. We have learned to not look backwards on missed opportunities, but to always look ahead for the next happy moment. We gave each other extra hugs. We gave presents that really meant something special. We all learned the value of serving others---together. We even reached out and asked hundreds of our friends to join us in some of our celebrations. Through it all we laughed, cried, held hands, hugged, sweated, froze, and prayed. This Christmas we all know that the gift that means the most is the gift of family.
There have been hundreds of people who have given us their time and love this year. We have been the recipients of countless acts of kindness and service. We can't begin to thank the many volunteers who have been there to help us at every turn. We have had a truly wonderful year, and the lessons MaeLynn has taught us will forever be in our hearts. Christmas is not about the gifts, but rather in the giving. Our prayer for all of you is that you too have felt some of these yourselves, and that each of you will also have a most wonderful year in 2011.
Note:(Our daughter-in-law MaeLynn Harris was diagnosed with terminal neuro-endocrine cancer 18 months ago and has outlived the doctor's prognosis now by over six months. We are planning on celebrating another Christmas together with her this year.)

Lee Harris Family, North Logan

Good Christmas 2010

2010-12-27T20:21:00.000-08:00

Well the "holidays" are almost over, and it's all gone just swimmingly for MaeLynn and her family!
They were able to have some great parties with extended family before and after Christmas. They were able to just be at home with their little (big) family on Christmas Day, which MaeLynn was really grateful for.
She's been getting more short of breath and needing to use her oxygen more lately, so being home for a day was really nice for her. Andrew's parents came over for a little while to help with the kids. Poppa made a fabulous late breakfast for them, which was another thing MaeLynn was grateful for.
Speaking of Poppa, he wrote a really neat article about MaeLynn in the Herald Journal the Sunday before Christmas, and as soon as I get a copy of it I'll post it.
We are all constantly in awe of MaeLynn's love and positive attitude. She hopes everyone has had as good a Christmas as her and wishes everyone a Happy New Year!

Monday December 6th 2010

2010-12-06T19:55:00.000-08:00

Well, MaeLynn continues to be "all right"! She had a really nice Thanksgiving at her own home with her little family and her parents and sister. Andy did the turkey (I think his first time!) and it turned out really good.

I asked MaeLynn what her TOP 10 things she's grateful for are, and here's what she came up with: (Sorry I counted wrong when she was telling them to me, but nine's close enough, isn't it?)

MaeLynn's Top 9 Thankful fors
1. Pain meds!! and the fact that my pain is managed.

2. 8:00 pm (aka bedtime for the kids)

3. Sleeping kids :)

4. The people that still come help me on a regular basis...doing my laundry, doing my dishes, cleaning my house, bringing in meals.

5. The way the Lord works in that he blesses the people that help me even more than how much they bless me by the things that they do (which is ALOT!). (Then I don't feel as guilty accepting the help :)

6. Good TV nights when Andy and I can watch TV together

7. When Andrew's traps are empty :)

8. Jamba Juice (Christmas is coming!! hint hint)

9. The hospice program! I am so blessed to be on hospice and not be bedridden. My nurse still comes three times a week to check on me and she knows what to expect on death and dying. She can get me through panic attacks and she totally validates all my fears and feelings. The nurse's aide, also, really keeps me going. She makes me get showered and dressed five days a week whether I want to or not. I'm so grateful for both of them.

MaeLynn just keeps swimming! She's been busy shopping and creating for Christmas. It's been really nice to actually go WITH Andrew to do the Christmas shopping. Their Christmas decorations are all up, and the kids are getting excited. MaeLynn's been having fun making fancy headbands for her girls and for Christmas gifts. There's always some craft up her sleeve. Until next time, Peace on Earth, and Good Will toward men!

Sunday November 21st 2010

2010-11-21T20:19:00.000-08:00

Mae is still doing pretty well! She seems to be pretty "normal" this week.

One not-so-good event that happened this week was that some of MaeLynn's medications went missing on Thursday. Andrew is pretty sure someone stole them, although who knows. He reported the incident and luckily MaeLynn was able to get what she needed through her hospice nurse and a very helpful pharmacy. So things are okay for now.

MaeLynn was able to get another project done...a wreath made of knotted ribbons. It turned out really cute. She loves to let those creative juices flow!

The kids and Andy seem to be doing okay, and everybody made it to sacrament meeting today, although MaeLynn had an anxiety attack halfway through and had to leave. It's so crazy to see a lady who usually LOVES to be with lots of people getting all antsy around large groups. I know it's frustrating to her, but there's not much she can do about it. She is pretty relaxed at home and when only one or two people are around, so that's good.

Hopefully she keeps having these good days! Thanks again for all the prayers going out for these guys!

Wednesday November 10th 2010

2010-11-10T20:40:00.001-08:00

Just wanted to let everyone know that the last couple of days have gone really well for MaeLynn! She's back to "normal"...as normal as she's been the last couple of months.

She's feeling positive, and today was able to go shopping for some new pants and cute boots. She was also able to get the craft project done that she started at Super Saturday last week. Today was a good day!

"Some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity..." -Gilda Radner

Sunday November 7th

2010-11-07T19:13:00.000-08:00

Well, things have been going about the same since I last posted. MaeLynn mostly sleeps. She has gotten a little more coherent in the last couple of days. I've been able to have fairly normal conversations with her over the phone yesterday and today.

Her parents and sister came into town for the weekend, and Andy was able to get out and do a little hunting. He said that he "got" an elk, but that they couldn't find it...so no elk meat this year. (I'm sure Mae is heartbroken :)

She told me tonight that she's glad he has things that he likes to do, but she hates that his hobbies take him away from her and home (he's also been doing quite a bit of fur-trapping in Franklin Basin). She says she feels like a high-maintenance girl in the "time" area. Especially right now.

MaeLynn was able to go to Super Saturday at her church for a little while yesterday. Unfortunately, she got really antsy after being there for only a few minutes, so her sister took her for a drive and then home. My guess would be that the anti-delirium medication is taking its toll on her...bringing on more anxiety attacks.

The upside is that when she does start feeling the anxiety creeping in, she can sleep it off. Ahhh..blissful sleep

So, who knows. There are some good things, some not so good things going on. She can use the oxygen whenever she feels like she needs it, and she doesn't use it ALL the time, so that's good, right?

Thanks again to everyone's help and prayers. We just keep swimming! (From Dory on Finding Nemo)

Tuesday November 2nd

2010-11-02T19:58:00.000-07:00

I called Andy tonight to see how the increase in Haldol was doing for MaeLynn. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like it has helped at all.

When I called, Andy told me she'd been asleep most of the day, but that now she was up--attempting to eat dinner. She even asked to talk to me on the phone, but when she got on she spoke complete nonsense. I had quite a helpless feeling. I wanted to steer her to a normal conversation, but it just didn't happen. I know MaeLynn did NOT want to be like this, so I feel really bad for her. We'll see what tomorrow brings, but things are not looking up today. Sorry.

Monday November 1st

2010-11-01T20:36:00.000-07:00

It feels so crazy to be November already. It's now been about a year since MaeLynn was told she had 6 months to live.

She had a fun weekend/Halloween, and had a few good days before that. Unfortunately, yesterday and today she has declined quite a bit. Andy said she slept pretty much all day yesterday, and that when she was awake, she didn't make much sense. Today she slept a little less, but didn't make any sense when she was awake.

He found MaeLynn in the kitchen clutching some junk mail and telling Andy to, "Get Out!! I've never told you this, but I'm really a secret agent! They've found me, and now there's a bomb in the house...so GET OUT!" Andy told her that he could disable the bomb if she'd just hand him the envelope. So she did. Then he helped her get back in bed.

The hospice nurse is upping MaeLynn's medication for delirium, but as we've said before, the effects of the medicine will only be able to overpower the effects of the toxins building up in MaeLynn's body for so long...so there are no guarantees.

She's been drinking the usual amount of fluids, but hasn't had much of an appetite. She tells Andy that everything tastes salty. Even some of her Halloween chocolate! Now you know something isn't right if Mae won't eat chocolate!! (Loss of taste and eventually sight can be signs of liver failure.)

Keep praying.

Tuesday October 26th

2010-10-26T20:34:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone! MaeLynn is still doing about the same. Her pain is under control and she claims she still has more good days than bad. She feels bad for times when people have come to visit and she has been too tired or doped up to have a decent conversation, but she would still love to have people visit her. She told me the other day that about the only people she sees these days are Andy and the hospice nurses....so if anyone gets a moment to drop by and chat for a minute, she'd love that.

She's getting psyched up for her favorite holiday: Halloween! She says, "I don't really dress up, but I did find some fake eyelashes and press-on nails, and I'll probably paint my face." Her kids are excited for their ward carnival and trunk-or-treat. They're going to be quite the entourage: a witch, a mermaid, two Thomas the Trains, and a kangaroo.

Life is a roller coaster and MaeLynn knows that it is for everyone, but she feels like the roller-coaster-effect has been magnified for her lately. She feels blessed to have friends and neighbors helping her out with cleaning, laundry, dishes, etc. Seeing happy shining faces really makes her day!

Here's a thought for the day:
"Life is like an old-time rail journey—delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed.
“The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride” (“Big Rock Candy Mountains,” Deseret News, 12 June 1973, A4

The new shed and new chair...hooray!

2010-10-18T20:14:00.000-07:00

I finally got some pictures to post of the shed Andy has built for MaeLynn's "stuff", and MaeLynn in her comfy new recliner. These were taken last Friday...October 15, 2010.

I wish I were better at making the layout more aesthetically pleasing, but oh well. I talked to MaeLynn tonight (October 18th) and she said things are still about the same. Her blood pressure is really low, but she feels okay. She sleeps with oxygen, but doesn't have it on during the day.

MaeLynn is so amazing. Even though she's at where she's at, she's still always thinking of others. The other day she had a birthday gift she was taking to a neighbor. Then she called me to let me know I'd left a jacket at her house. She's just so thoughtful...as always. What an example!

I came across this scripture the other day and it reminded me of MaeLynn: Mosiah 25:14-15 "And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.
And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patence to all the will of the Lord."

Friday October 15th

2010-10-15T20:51:00.000-07:00

Today was a GOOD day for MaeLynn! Yay! Even though her blood pressure is still really low, her oxygen levels were higher today and she didn't need to be on oxygen.

I was able to visit her for awhile and she was up and around the whole time. I told her we could do ANYTHING she wanted, and she decided to work on putting laundry away. Typical mother, right?!

It felt good, though, just to be able to do the mundane. She also directed the moving of her "stuff" out to her shed that Andy has finished. It will be so nice to have her own space to store things. Already, though, Andy is suggesting other things that can go in her shed that she'd rather go in HIS shed. Typical husband :)

Anyway, she wanted me to let everyone know that she's had a good day. Her kids are coming home tonight and they'll have the primary program on Sunday, so that's something to look forward to!

Thursday October 14th

2010-10-14T20:19:00.000-07:00

Today was pretty quiet for MaeLynn. With her kids at her mother's and Andy working on her shed, she was able to sleep pretty much all day.

Andy says she doesn't have much of an appetite. She's on oxygen once again, and it seems to be helping a little. I guess her O2 levels have been dropping. When you talk to her she responds, but she falls asleep quickly. She does love sitting in her new comfy recliner! And she's glad Andy is close to finishing her shed.

MaeLynn is so sweet. Even though she's slipping, she brings such a calming presence to the room. We love you Mae!!

October 2010

2010-10-13T21:16:00.000-07:00

I'm taking liberties to add this article to the blog. It was just so incredible...about end of life....the perspectives of patients, families, and doctors.

I'm so glad MaeLynn chose hospice. It has been quite the journey. Many of the things that are mentioned in the article are exactly what MaeLynn has gone through or is still going through. Trying to decide what treatment to go with, having people give her all kinds of "treatment" ideas or plans, her and Andy trying to plan for a future without her.

Hopefully everyone else appreciates it as much as I do. (Sorry it's kind of long.)

Hospice medical care for dying patients : The New Yorker

October 13th 2010

2010-10-13T06:14:00.000-07:00

Sorry about the "pregnant belly" comment last time. No, Mae is not pregnant, she just looks like it with her giant tumor, Wilma, sticking out.

These last few days have not been so hot for MaeLynn. Andy said that on Monday her blood pressure was pretty low. She's been sleeping alot, and withing the last 48 hours she has started saying delirious things.

When I saw her yesterday she said, "Laura, I can feel myself slipping. Please don't laugh if I say something strange." She hates the fact that her body and brain are doing things she has no control over. Despite the fact, though, she does remain herself...generally happy and sweet.

Her kids will still go to her mother's house for a few days this week, as planned, but MaeLynn and Andrew are going to stay home. Andy doesn't want MaeLynn to have to go anywhere or do anything right now.

Keep them in your prayers--as I'm sure you all do.

October 10th 2010

2010-10-10T14:24:00.001-07:00

MaeLynn says HI! Actually she said, "Tell them that my big belly and I say HI!"

Having a big "pregnant" belly and nothing exciting to show for it is pretty frustrating...but MaeLynn continues to be positive and just keeps truckin'. Some days are better than others.

She says she feels about the same week to week. To me, though, it seems like she's slowed down lately, though. Her speech stays normal, but her movements are quite slow, and she has to try REALLY hard to keep her eyes open throughout the day. If she sits down, even for a moment, it's very possible she'll fall asleep.

The good news is that Andy's almost done with MaeLynn's shed! Yay! Hopefully next time I'll have a picture of it. She's excited to get her art stuff out of the kitchen, bedrooms, etc.

Andy's also gotten really busy lately trapping beavers and other animals. He calls it his "job", but he enjoys it way too much to call it that :) The kids have had a great time going out with him to check his traps a few days a week.

This next week the whole family will take a little trip to Grandma and Grandpa Katchner's house in Salt Lake since it's UEA. MaeLynn's hoping it will not be too stressful, but my guess is that her saintly mother will just let her sleep all day....so no worries for MaeLynn, right?

I guess the next fun scheduled is Halloween...so till then, that's all for now folks!

September 19th 2010

2010-09-19T19:56:00.001-07:00

Sorry! MaeLynn's been doing so well, and things have felt so normal, I haven't felt the pressure to update the blog as often!

MaeLynn continues to feel fairly good. She still has quite a bit of energy and the medications she is on are doing their job.

This last week she was able to go three days straight without naps...a miracle! Although, then she was up "cracking the whip" on Andy (according to him). They got all kinds of projects started and finished this week. It all started with the new fridge.....

They needed a new fridge, so they found one they liked, brought it home, and discovered it was four inches too big to fit in the space the old fridge came out of. Andy says, "No prob! We'll just empty the cupboards in the island and move it over a few inches." Two days and one large pile of tupperware later, they decided they needed a new home for some of their kitchen gadgets and art supplies that had been in the island.

The china cupboard in the kitchen looked like a great place to put the stuff, so they cleaned out the kids' clothes, filled up the cupboard and realized that they still had a pile of things. Andy again says, "No prob. I'll just move these extra things out to the shed." But when he got out there, there was no room for anything in the shed...so next thing they knew they were having a yard sale!

Along with all this craziness, they were able to bring in a new comfy rocker/recliner for MaeLynn, get their roofing project finished up, and get in a new clothes dryer...(which luckily DID fit in the space provided..hahaha).

Oh! And MaeLynn and Andy were able to take a relaxing trip Labor Day weekend to Riverdale in Idaho. It was really nice for them to get away. And it was REALLY nice of their friend, Patty, to take their kids for the two days they were gone! Thanks!

For now, life continues as normally as can be expected. MaeLynn's mother still comes to help about once a week. She came this last Friday night to help MaeLynn so that Andy could go to a Smashing Pumpkins concert with some friends. It was therapeutic for Andy, as it had been a really long week full of naughtiness from the kids. For the most part, though, Andy says things are going surprisingly well being at home all the time. He's sure it's because of all the prayers going out for their family.

One fun thing MaeLynn has finished is a beautiful hummingbird painted on a box. She's really been getting in touch with her artsy side lately. In fact, she really wants a place to put all of her art supplies, so she convinced Andrew to build her her own shed out back. He'll start on it this week. This makes MaeLynn so happy. She says life feels really good lately. She's glad for every day she has. EVERYONE'S grateful for every day.

Prayers are so helpful and she's thankful for them. Thanks, once again, to all the family, friends, and neighbors who are constantly calling and helping!

Friday August 27th

2010-08-27T11:52:00.000-07:00

These last couple of weeks have continued to go really well for MaeLynn! The new medication she's on is doing wonders for her level of functionality!

Not a whole lot exciting has been going on...I know it's a lame excuse for not posting. One great thing that has happened within the last two weeks is that MaeLynn's two oldest girls have started school, and the twins and Abby have started into three days of preschool a week instead of two (thanks to the amazing generosity of the preschool)! Andy and MaeLynn are able to breathe a little easier during the days without so much chaos going on :)

MaeLynn hasn't had to use oxygen for the last couple of weeks either. She told me last week, "I feel good about life right now!" She really is able to talk and stay awake most of the day (as opposed to how July went). She's also sleeping better at nights and doesn't have to get up quite as often to use the bathroom! Hooray! She's had a lot of energy and prays that it stays for a while. We all do. Last Friday she got to go see the movie, "Eat, Pray, Love"...just her type of movie. She was able to stay awake through the whole movie and ended up liking it a lot! Andy even admitted to enjoying it.

For fun, MaeLynn's been doing more painting...here's a picture of her painting a castle piggy bank for Abby's birthday.

Their excitement for this week is getting a new roof...Here's a picture of the work in progress. I guess it's a project that has needed to be done for a long time...and now they're getting around to it. When Andy and his cousin Chris started pulling off shingles, they found that part of the roof had been burned at one point in time and was in pretty bad shape. They ended up re-framing the roof over the porch, and then having a roofing company come in and re-roof the rest. Whew!

Well, that's it for this time!

Sunday August 15th 2010

2010-08-15T12:57:00.000-07:00

This has been a pretty dang good week for MaeLynn! They took her off of the Haldol (for delirium) and put her on something called Zyprexa that does the same type of thing. Awesome thing though: it hasn't created the extreme anxiety that she was feeling when she was on the Haldol. She has been able to function much more normally this week than she has for a while.

MaeLynn has been able to get some painting projects done, interact more with her kids, and stay awake much longer than usual. It's been a good week. It's been really hard for her to have all this time on her hands, but not be able to do anything, so she's really enjoyed this week of increased energy and optimism. Andy said she's even been doing some house cleaning...she must feel REALLY good :).

The kids have had lots of fun playdates and sleepovers with friends and family. This helps to quiet the house down a little bit and decrease MaeLynn's anxiety, also. Kendall and Ellie were able to paint with MaeLynn this week and had a great time doing so. Unfortunately, when they were done, they twins found MaeLynn's paints and smeared them all over the kitchen table. Bless their hearts. Wish Andy had taken a picture of that one.

The twins were on a roll this week. Along with the paint mess, they managed to rip a giant hole in the family tent that was up in the backyard, AND pour water on Andy's laptop. Anybody up for two four-year-old boys?

MaeLynn's mother and dad continue to be a major help with the kids and household duties. It's amazing to see the outpouring of love from them and all the other family, friends, and neighbors. Like I said last time, MaeLynn can really feel everyone's love and prayers and she is constantly saying how blessed she is. She is an example to us all. "Don't worry about what you don't have. Be happy with what you've got."

Friday August 6th

2010-08-06T07:07:00.000-07:00

MaeLynn and her family had a nice surprise last week. Some young women from a nearby ward brought the "Holidays" to their home. One night it was Halloween and the kids got to trick or treat. Another night was Thanksgiving, and the young women brought a whole Thanksgiving dinner along with a pineapple dressed like a turkey. Another night was Christmas with a small tree and gifts for everyone. MaeLynn said it was so fun to watch her kids as each night would unfold. Triston would answer the door and shout, "Mommmmmm! The candy people are here again!"

Things are about the same for MaeLynn. She sleeps most of the day. When she is awake, she has almost constant anxiety. The change in medication hasn't done much to curb her unease. Yes, she is lucid, but to MaeLynn it doesn't feel like a good place to be. She fidgets a lot and is constantly feeling like she's boxed in and needs to be somewhere else.
She doesn't feel hardly any physical pain, but her emotional/mental anguish is intense.

One frustration she related to me yesterday is not being able to type. She LOVES all the notes, e-mails, prayers, and phone calls going out to her and for her. She says she can feel them like a force around her. She tried to get on Facebook the other day and respond to people, but she just couldn't type. She has always been a good typist and grammatist, but she said she spent more time backspacing than typing decent words. She knows where the letters are on the keyboard, she just can't get her fingers to type the right things. It is VERY frustrating to her. So, just so you all know...she does read your notes! She loves getting them! But you may not get a response. She tried dictating to Andy to have him type some messages for her, but that's hard, too. She wanted me to also let everyone know that you're welcome to call anytime. You may not get to talk to MaeLynn as she is asleep alot, but she doesn't mind phone calls at all.

I often wonder why death is prolonged...not just for MaeLynn but for many many people. One LDS article that helped shed a little light on this for me is titled, "The Uses of Suffering" by Sandra Ferrin Strange. If you go to lds.org gospel library, you can read it.

http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale=0&sourceId=0b3367700817b010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD

One last thought from my 6-year-old/Lilo and Stitch: Love is stronger than death.

July 28, 2010

2010-07-28T06:23:00.000-07:00

MaeLynn has wanted to post some words of wisdom for a long time. We finally have it in writing! Here it is, straight from MaeLynn's mouth/pen:

We all learn different things on our life's journeys. I feel that perhaps the biggest thing I have learned since being diagnosed with cancer is to love myself. It is so very important to know who you are and know why you do the things you do.

I love people. You all know that! I've been called a "social butterfly" since third grade! However, one of the awarenesses I have had is that I use the details of others' lives to fill up the space in my life. Whether my insides were truly empty doesn't matter---that's the way I perceived them to be. Thus I actually became afraid to be alone! The last few months I've really had to work on being alone, and have found it's not that bad.

If I could change the world in one way, it would be to help you all love yourselves more unconditionally. That love will naturally be passed on to others. Thank you for being a part of my life.

Love,
MaeLynn

July 25th: Andy's updates from Facebook

2010-07-25T11:57:00.000-07:00

From Monday July 19th: Yesterday Mae went to sacrament mtg., she is doing well, but frustrated that she "can't go home yet" I think it would be Ok if we all prayed for her quick release... God's will be done of course!

And: Mae had another massive anxiety attack today! We are going to adjust her meds and see if we can't get her a bit less anxious... Hope tomorrow goes better! On a positive note, I got to take the kids up the canyon to watch the heli crew fight a small fire, and do some rock climbing!!!!

From Wednesday July 21st: Mae had a decent day today... I think we have her meds adjusted closer, to help with the anxiety side affects! She still sleeps all but 2-3 hours a day. Things are going OK.

From Friday July 23rd: Life is still chaotic... Today Mae has had mild anxiety since 3:00, I finally gave her a benadryl to "knock" her out! She is sleeping peacfully now thank goodness!! Hope tonight isn't too long.

From Saturday July 24th: This is Andrew in behalf of Mae again... She is having a lot of anxiety again. We aren't sure bit think it may have a lot to do with her new medicine. If that is the case she wants to get off it, which means a close end on sight. She wants to thank all of you for your prayers, well wishes, and beautiful notes! She wants to go home, and I don't blame her one bit!!! I love you MaeLynn!

Sunday July 25th: No comments on Facebook today, but I (Laura) just talked to Andy and MaeLynn for a minute. Things are going a tiny bit better today. Hopefully the lower dose of medicine decreases the anxiety attacks....but that probably means she'll start having more delirium. Who knows. What a mess to be in....keep praying that everything will be okay. Here's a quote from President Gordon B. Hinckley:

"In my ninety-plus years, I have learned a secret. I have learned that when good men and good women face challenges with optimism, things will always work out! Truly, things always work out! Despite how difficult circumstances may look at the moment, those who have faith and move forward with a happy spirit will find that things always work out."

Late Post from July 8th

2010-07-22T07:49:00.000-07:00

I just realized I thought I posted this on MaeLynn's blog two weeks ago, but I accidentally posted it on my own. Here it is...a little late, but thought I'd post it anyway:

So we've made it through one more day. Yesterday MaeLynn's dad and sister came to stay for a little while. They were able to get MaeLynn up off the couch and out onto the front porch for a little Vitamin D.:)

She's still doing about the same.Andrew says they just keep her pain and anxiety meds a-coming. She's now on a 75 mcg/hr patch of fentanyl. When her mother asked her the other day if something felt okay, she said really frustratedly, "I don't know HOW I'm supposed to feel!?!"

When she's "with" it she's really frustrated...who wouldn't be. Andy said a nurse's aid came to help MaeLynn shower and get cleaned up yesterday. That was frustrating for MaeLynn. She felt like she was naked in front of a whole bunch of people, even though there was only Andy and the nurse's aid.

It could be MaeLynn seeing things, or there's got to be tons of spirits around encouraging her and waiting to help.She's still taking sips of Smoothies throughout the day, but I don't think she's eating anything besides that. Until next time.

July 20 2010

2010-07-21T06:10:00.000-07:00

I haven't made a post in over a week, but there's not much to report. MaeLynn seems like she's reached a plateau. Who knows how long it will last, but we're grateful for every second she has here. She sleeps a lot, but is able to get around when she's awake.

She went to Sizzler last Saturday night with her parents and family! She said it tasted SO good. She said she ate a ton, which was probably about 8 ounces of food....but it was good to get out. She thought it was hilarious to watch Ellie try to eat steak....she's missing a bunch of front teeth, so she'd gnaw and gnaw and gnaw.

MaeLynn's mother, dad, and sister have been coming and going throughout each week to help MaeLynn and the kids and Andy. This is kind of a hard place/time to be at, just waiting.

MaeLynn continues to be positive, although sometimes very overcome with anxiety and emotion. Keep praying for her and her family.

Still kicking

2010-07-13T20:53:00.000-07:00

MaeLynn is about the same. When I called today, Andrew said, "She's doing okay. Unfortunately, she's not doing anything funny..." He got quite a kick out of some of the things she said and did last week. FORTUNATELY for the rest of us, she's doing about the same as Sunday and Monday. Very tired, but able to talk to us.

I called their house Monday morning and MaeLynn answered and it almost brought tears to my eyes. I was sure I would never hear her normal voice again. The Haldol seems to be doing wonders for her, though. It's the new medication she's taking that helps control delirium. It doesn't affect the cancer or the course that it's taking, but BOY are we glad to have Mae back to herself for the little time she has left.

MaeLynn was really glad to visit with an old college roommate today that she hadn't seen for years. I know I've said this before, but MaeLynn has seen so many friendships rekindled through this trauma, and she's grateful for it. She is always seeing the positive side of this sad story.

Keep praying for her and remember:

"The answer to your prayer may be the face of an old friend, one you have not seen in years but whose needs suddenly come into your mind and heart and feel as if they are your own. Old friends have reached out to me across the miles and the years to offer encouragement when only God could have told them of my burden." ---Henry B. Eyring

Beautiful Baptism

2010-07-11T20:07:00.000-07:00

So MaeLynn made it through the week! She was pretty incoherent all week until Friday. Her nurse changed her medication to see if it would help make her less "loopy", and Hallelujah it worked!

She was able to sit up to the kitchen table on Saturday and eat more than she had all week. (Which means two bites of breadstick, one bite of lettuce and some smoothie) This doesn't change the course of things, but it does help her communicate while she's in this stage of life.

She's still on oxygen, and can still say and do some crazy things, but for the most part is back to her normal self mentally. Andy said the other morning at 4 a.m. she wanted to get up and take a shower, then wanted to go outside....forgetting to put a shirt on. Sounds entertaining!

Friday night and Saturday were an incredible 24 hours for those who helped with the Cancer Walk. I wasn't the greatest liaison for that...didn't even realize it was happening until Friday. But THANK YOU to everyone who came and helped with that....for the walkers and the donators...I heard it was really neat. All of MaeLynn's kids went to it and "helped" Nana and Papa. There were also lots of Andy's extended family that came, MaeLynn's entire biological family walked, also friends and neighbors. Andy's parents do it every year, so if you missed out this year, maybe you can get set up to help next year.

Today was MaeLynn's little girl, Kendall's, baptism. It was really beautiful. MaeLynn was in good enough shape to make it to the baptism and the dinner afterwards. She was able to visit with people and have a really good day. When I left her tonight she said, "Today was a dream come true."

People she loves came together. Her little girl is baptized. MaeLynn was able to really appreciate the day. She was exhausted by the end, but I think a lot of hopes, prayers, and wishes were granted in these last few hours.

Hopefully I'll get some pictures up of the baptism day, soon. Love goes out to everyone from MaeLynn. She is one happy lady tonight.

Tuesday July 6th

2010-07-06T15:04:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone! Sorry about the two days' silence. Hopefully Andy's been keeping people updated on facebook. Just for everybody's information again, if you want to send letters, MaeLynn's address is:

784 N 300 E
Logan UT 84321.

If you want to call, her phone # is 435-787-4127.

She really is not able to talk any more. She whispers things but most of the time they don't make sense. I don't know how else to say this, but she really does look like death warmed over. She is very dehydrated and has no appetite. Smoothies do taste good to her, but it takes her over 24 hours to drink a small one.

Visitors have been aplenty, which I'm sure MaeLynn appreciates...even if she's not coherent. Her mother would like to remind people to keep visits short, though...around 15 minutes or less. It's very very hard for MaeLynn to concentrate on what is going on especially when there is more than one person in the room.

She is leaving us quickly. She is much weaker today than on Saturday and needs help getting up and moving wherever she goes...which is not very far. The bathroom or the bed. She vacilates between being really hot and sweaty and too cold.

I asked her mother if she thought they'd get a catheter for her so she doesn't have to get up, but I don't think they will. She's so dry that there's really no need.

MaeLynn is not truly herself anymore. Andrew said the two oldest girls, Kendall and Ellie, feel like she's kind of already gone. I kind of feel the same. I almost picture her spirit sitting on the other side of the couch as her body. I want to turn that way and talk to her because she isn't really "there" on the first side. She IS still physically present, though, and I know once she's gone it will make a HUGE difference to those kids.

She has been EVERYTHING to them. Andrew told me that the littlest girl, Abby, has just started to ask him to do everything. It used to be, "NO! Mama do it!" for everything. It makes you grateful that he is a good guy and is there and is willing to take on added responsibility.

This Sunday, July 11th, Kendall will turn 8. For anyone who's LDS, that means she could be baptized. MaeLynn really wanted to be at Kendall's baptism, so we all wonder if that's what she's waiting for. I'm pretty sure they'll have the baptism Sunday night. Although at this point I don't know how MaeLynn will even know what's going on. We shall see.

Everything is happening so fast. It feels like there are so many unfinished things, and it will probably feel that way for a long time. We love MaeLynn and she appreciates all the prayers and thoughts going out for her. Till tomorrow....

Saturday July 3

2010-07-03T20:37:00.000-07:00

Today has been pretty uneventful. MaeLynn continues in her sleepy stupor. She keeps saying things about things that aren't there....pictures on the wall, messages on the phone. You can tell she's a multi-tasking mother, huh?

Andrew took the kids up Logan Canyon for a reunion on his side of the family. MaeLynn's parents and sister, Jamie, came to spend the day with her while everyone was gone.

I stopped by this evening for a few minutes and MaeLynn's mother, Marie, told me that she was really "not-with-it." Wonderfully enough, though, when I went in to talk to her for a few minutes, she sat up and we had a really nice conversation. She was super tired and weak, but willing to talk about hot showers and cold smoothies and okay enough to tell my little boy where to look for his lost Matchbox car (which he really was looking for).

It's so crazy that just over a week ago she was up till midnight scrubbing spots off her floor and having Andy move the couch so she could vacuum behind it. Now she can hardly sit up or talk or think straight. She has the oxygen all day, I think, which may or may not help. She said it's hard to remember to shut her mouth to breathe in the oxygen through her nose. She's also having a hard time focusing on things that she's looking at. She says everything looks fuzzy. But through it all, of course, MaeLynn's so sweet about everything.

That's about it for an update. Not any better than yesterday, but not worse.

"The past is behind--we must learn from it. The future is ahead--we must prepare for it. The present is now—we must live in it."----Thomas S. Monson

This earth life is a journey....not a final destination.---Spencer J. Condie

Not Good

2010-07-02T23:02:00.000-07:00

So here we are at the first of July 2010. The last report I said that MaeLynn was doing pretty good. Last weekend MaeLynn got to go to a cousin's wedding reception and a family reunion in Salt Lake/Draper. She wasn't real up to it....but she really wanted to do it. So she did. It was a lot of fun to visit with relatives she hadn't seen for quite a while, and she was really glad she went.

Monday, however, she felt extreme anxiety about returning home, and started going downhill. She took an Atavan to help with the anxiety...which helped. But, she usually goes into what I call "zombie mode" when she takes Atavan. She wants to sleep all day and when she's awake, she seems like she's stoned. I called her Wednesday to chat, and it was a very loopy conversation. Later, talking to Andy, he told me that, Yes she had taken an Atavan on Monday, but that its effects usually only last 5-6 hours after she takes one. This loopiness had been going on all week. She also has had an extreme dip in appetite and hasn't eaten hardly anything or been awake all week.

I was finally able to visit them today and things look pretty grim. When I first got there, MaeLynn needed to go to the bathroom, but Andy had to lift her out of bed. She is so weak and shaky. She can walk to where she needs to go, but getting up is really a chore.

This afternoon an oxygen machine (or whatever the technical term is) came. The hospice nurse thought it might perk MaeLynn up, since she's been so tired. MaeLynn's oxygen levels are really low. I was there for two hours after they put her on oxygen today and her perkiness did not change at all.

MaeLynn has also been saying some really crazy, random things. Like, "Triston (one of her four-year-olds) just needs to beat that boy up." Andy asked, "Which boy?" "That boy in the picture right there." Andy's thinking, "Okaaaaay? There's no picture." The hospice nurse told us today that as her liver quits functioning, the toxins are building up in MaeLynn's body and making her see/say/think crazy things. It's frustrating to see, but I must admit--morbidly funny.

She also is having a really hard time speaking and comprehending anything. She'll get the first two words of a sentence out, and then just zone out...or fall asleep. She tried reading a paper I brought to her today and couldn't concentrate long enough to read anything.

Her hospice nurse says she's really seen a change in the last two days. Her coloring is getting worse. Her vitals are going downhill. She said that MaeLynn is definitely beginning the transition into death. The veil is getting thin. Who knows how much longer she's got here with us.

MaeLynn seems very calm, albeit, not with-it. She received a beautiful blessing while I was there this afternoon, and things are just in the Lord's hands now. The hospice nurse told me that everything is up to Andrew now. MaeLynn does not need to worry about housework or helping with the kids. Just be.

It is so hard. So hard. The kids seem to be doing okay, but I know they can tell things are not right. While I was there, they would keep coming in from playing outside and just watch MaeLynn.

Andy and MaeLynn appreciate all the help that has been given, and I'm sure will be given in the future. If you're wondering how in the world you can help, one of the only things that sounds good to MaeLynn to eat is Jamba Juice. So anyone who wants to drop one by, she likes peach, pomegranate, strawberry....or she says, "pretty much anything." She really has no desire to eat, but feels like she has cotton-mouth all the time...so smoothies help a little.

I'm sure Andy would appreciate offers on taking the kids for an hour or two each day as the transition continues. He also appreciates meals brought in, but remember the kids are small and very particular....so not huge amounts of food.

I can't remember if I've used this scripture before, but it's really with me tonight--D&C 122:7:

And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.

And also the words of this song:

Be still, my soul: The Lord is on thy side;
With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In ev’ry change he faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: Thy best, thy heav’nly Friend
Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: Thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as he has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: The waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: The hour is hast’ning on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: When change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

Six months....

2010-06-05T07:09:00.000-07:00

This is MaeLynn with her boys on the trampoline (taken around Easter).

So it's almost been six months since MaeLynn was "given" 6 months to live (however that works)...and she's still going strong...ish. I haven't posted in a long time because there hasn't been much to report. A lame excuse, but like I said last time....No news is GOOD NEWS, right?!?

There's still the routine: A hospice nurse comes in once a week to check on MaeLynn, a hospice volunteer comes in every once in a while to help with whatever MaeLynn needs, a hopice chaplain comes in twice a month to visit with the whole family on faith matters, people help with laundry twice a week, someone comes to clean once a week, friends pop in randomly, things are going smoothly for now.

MaeLynn continues to function fairly well on a daily basis. Some days are really hard, exhaustion-wise, and she doesn't get out of bed except to go to the bathroom...which she does EXTREMELY frequently. But for the most part she can still hang out with the kids, do some dishes, run to the store, etc.

She's still loving having Andrew at home. She says that she feels like they've increased in love and understanding in their relationship so much in the last few months. She feels like they're a sweet 70-year-old couple, the way they get along.

Andrew impressed me a few weeks ago when Kendall had a science fair. He helped her get a rock collection together and took her to the fair. He helps out the kids a ton and is working hard at being a good dad/husband. His exciting news for the month is that he got a new riding lawnmower and the kids get to ride on it with him all the time. So I guess it's the kids' exciting news, too.

Kendall and Ellie are finished with school for the summer, but there aren't any big travel plans for the summer. Their family IS going up to Cottonwood (a cabin in Wyoming) this next week and spending time with Andrew's family. Other than that things are pretty "quiet" around the Harris house. (As quiet as a house with five crazy kids can be :)

I say MaeLynn has been doing the same, but about two weeks ago her kidneys started hurting pretty bad. She went to the doctor and had some tests done, but they can't figure out what's wrong. Mae feels like they didn't try very hard to figure out what was wrong, though, since she's a terminal patient, and was a little frustrated. They did prescribe more pain medication, so now she's up to a patch that gives 50 micrograms of fentanyl per hour....which is ALOT. Wikipedia has some interesting information on fentanyl if you want to look it up :). If you're on that much of a narcotic, though, and can still feel pain.....well let's just say we're so grateful for the drugs.

MaeLynn's glad she has medication but it really knocks her out for a week after she has an increase in dosage. When I visited her last week (a day or two after the increase) she stayed up the whole time I was there but her eyes were closed 80% of the time. It almost made my eyes water to look at her blinking, trying to keep her eyes open. When I visited her yesterday she stayed in bed the entire time. She is getting thinner and her abdomen is getting larger. Yesterday she had a lot of pain in her right side, but sleeping helped a little. Today the pain is not quite as bad...but still there.

When she went to the doctor for her kidney pain they told her that her Chromagranin A levels are down from 50, 000 to 40,000, which to the layperson would be a good sign. Unfortunately, the tumors are obviously getting larger, and her liver function is down, so lower chromagranin levels don't mean much. Her kidneys are what she calls "on hyperdrive". She has to go to the bathroom about fifty times a day and so many times barely makes it to the bathroom in time. She said her 2-year-old gets that sneaky look in her eye when MaeLynn is trying to run to the bathroom and either won't move out of her way or ends up jumping on the toilet before MaeLynn can get there. And Abby just takes her sweet time. It's funny and dang maddening at the same time.

A few times MaeLynn has gotten up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and woken up two hours later still sitting on (or falling off) the john. She's just so exhausted, but she can still get a good laugh out of things like that happening. I cannot stop laughing thinking about her sitting there for that long and only waking up because her legs have fallen asleep. Being that tired almost reminds me of the good old college days. :)

A thought from D&C----“My son (or daughter), peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes. Thy friends do stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands. Thou art not yet as Job; thy friends do not contend against thee, neither charge thee with transgression, as they did Job.

Mae Turned 30!!!

2010-04-20T05:46:00.000-07:00

So, I know we had a huge party for MaeLynn in January for her 30th birthday, but she ACTUALLY turned 30 last week! She made it!

She was able to stretch out celebrations from the Saturday before (with her mom and dad) to the following Friday (with a couple of Andrew's cousins taking her out to dinner). She actually spent most of the previous week at her mom and dad's house while Andy and the kids were in St. George.

It was just too stressful and hectic for her to enjoy spring break in St. George, so Andy sent her home with his brother on Tuesday. At her parents' house she was able to sleep pretty much all day every day. It's what her body really wants now. It is so hard to stay vertical throughout the day.

Then Thursday, Andy came to get her. The two of them got to go home to Logan ALONE Friday morning. They left the kids at the Kartchner's and got to spend almost 24 hours together sans kids! MaeLynn said it was really nice.

Her parents brought the kids home Saturday and had a little birthday party. Her mom brought some scrumptious homemade caramel popcorn for Mae, and Mae spent most of Saturday eating it. Unfortunately...by Sunday morning her "guts" were screaming and she was having a major panic attack because she felt terrible and they were supposed to be going to Salt Lake to celebrate her (and her biological mom's) birthdays that day. So she decided to take an Ativan (for anxiety)...which makes her extremely zombie-like. And then Andy had to call the biological in-laws and ask them to come to Logan instead of Andy and Mae going to Salt Lake because MaeLynn couldn't function.

Later, MaeLynn told me that it all turned out well. Her biological mom brought sandwiches and lunch stuff. They went to the elementary school and flew kites. They had a delicious vegetarian/vegan cake. MaeLynn didn't know things like that could taste so good! It ended up being a good day.

The only thing bad was that MaeLynn didn't get anything from Andrew, which was very disappointing. Luckily for him, he made up for it on Friday night. MaeLynn had gone out to eat with a couple of his cousins. She had found a babysitter for the kids so that he could have some "time off". But instead of going to a movie or rock climbing or whatever, he worked on cleaning up the house for her, putting away all the laundry, and wrote her a poem on the bathroom mirror.

I'll be a while...
Got too much to do
I'll be a while...
Not as fast a learner as you...
I'll be a while...
Have your children to raise
I'll be a while...
I'm still seeking your praise
I'll be a while...
Got my mountains to climb
I'll be a while...
Let me take my time
I'll be a while...
But always dreaming of you!"

She wrote on facebook, "Isn't it beautiful? Then...he stayed up with me till 12:30 just TALKING!!! We women can't get enough "talking". Love is a funny thing. Just when you think your cup is full, more love is poured in and it never runs over."

Andy is still being quite the trooper. Some days are better than others, but that's life, right? And he always throws in a responsible surprise...like yesterday when he sent the kids outside to play. He actually put sunscreen on them!! (I'M a mother and I'm not even that responsible!!)

As to the cancer....well, it's still there. And growing like a weed. As MaeLynn gets thinner and thinner, her stomach gets larger and larger. She said that her one gripe this week is that she just can't stop losing weight. She only weighs 115 pounds, and from the looks of her stomach, we guesstimate that about 10-15 of that is tumor. She hasn't been to the doctor in months, so we don't know for sure how much the tumor weighs...but she definitely looks like a bulimic pregnant lady. And she hates it. She hates that you can see every bone in her neck, shoulders, chest. Her arms are now thinner than her 7-year-old's. As are her thighs.

BUT she keeps on trucking! She's had a lot of good days. Yesterday was not so good, but the good days (so far) outnumber the bad. I have a couple of fun pictures I want to post, but my camera is not to be found. So.....Soon!

As March Comes to an End...

2010-03-29T20:00:00.000-07:00

Every week I talk to MaeLynn and ask her "What's new? What's happening? What do you want me to put on your blog???" And every week it's the same. "Oh I don't know. Nothing's happening."

So let's just say that no news is good news. :) She isn't getting too terribly worse, but of course she isn't getting any better, either. She said she has stayed the same weight for about four weeks now! Wahoo! This is amazing since she doesn't have hardly any appetite. She said that when she's in social situations, she can eat more, but if it's just up to her....she has no desire to eat.

The hospice nurse is still coming about once a week to check on MaeLynn and take all her vital statistics. The social worker has been a little bit more hit and miss. She comes to talk with the older girls, but when she comes ALL the kids want to do things and it gets quite chaotic. MaeLynn said they're going to try to get Kendall to go talk to the social worker in her office instead of at home.

Mae and Andy still don't feel a huge need for psychoanalysis and support. (I've been trying to convince them to find a young-terminal-cancer-patient-support group to join...and I think they will) MaeLynn feels like she runs the whole gamut of emotions weekly/daily. Some days she's in denial. Some days she tries bartering with the Lord. Some days are okay. Some days are just way too much to handle. She says that just getting out of the house and out into some sunshine and fresh air does wonders for her. She told Andy, "Keep dragging me out of the house no matter how much I complain or say I don't want to!!!"

How she physically feels depends on the day. She said, "Who knows what makes it different?? Today I have a lot of energy. I can go outside and push the kids on the swing. But yesterday? I didn't even want to move. You know how you feel when you have the flu? I barely made it out of my bedroom yesterday...spent a little while on the couch....headed to the kitchen for a few minutes...then headed back to bed."

I asked her what she thought the ratio was between good and bad days. She said, "Maybe about 4 good days and 3 bad days each week."

Sundays are especially hard and she wonders what the secret is to turning Sundays from bad days to good days. They always end up being stressful, disastrous, and pretty much no fun :)
If anybody has any tips...could they let her know?

One exciting thing is that she and Andrew got a new bed!!! It is so much comfier than the pancake they used to sleep on. Unfortunately MaeLynn doesn't get to spend extended periods of time on it. She now has to get up to go to the bathroom about seven times a night. Pretty much every hour on the hour. In fact she said one night last week she was so exhausted and so miserable that she prayed that she could just sleep for four hours straight. (Reminds me of being a new mother) Anyway...her prayers were answered and she said the second she woke up she gave a prayer of thanks. What a miracle!!

Andy continues to be doing okay adjusting to home life. He's really good at ignoring the screaming and told someone on Facebook that "All the days run together." Mae was walking by the computer when he was typing that and just burst out laughing. "See how it feels!?"

There haven't been any big trips or exciting things going on these past few weeks, but MaeLynn has been trying to write letters to her kids for important events that will happen later in their lives. She said it has been really hard, emotionally. She's also making video clips of herself talking to/about her kids. Memories that she has of them when they were babies, cute things they do, their likes and dislikes at this point in their lives. Things SHE loves about them.

She's really grateful for the continued help from friends, neighbors, ward members, family, complete strangers. She said since Andy's been home there haven't been as many people coming over as often. Some days that's good because she was starting to feel like her house was Grand Central Station. Some days, though, she wishes she could see more friendly faces. She always appreciates notes in the mail and phone calls.

Next week will be spring break for Kendall and Ellie so the family is planning on spending a few days in St. George at a friend's condo. MaeLynn is worrying about the drive totally wiping her out, so Andy found a one-way plane ticket from Vegas to Salt Lake for her. She'll drive down with the family, but then fly home while Andy drives with the kids. WOW! MaeLynn isn't worried about Andy. He'll just put on his driving face and GO. She's a little worried about the kids....hopefully everyone's in one piece when they get back to Logan. Her kids (bless their hearts) are not known to be the best car travelers.

One last note...MaeLynn has been reading a couple of books lately that have been really enlightening. One is called "Cancer Talk" and has really opened her eyes to things people, and in particular, COUPLES, go through with cancer. It really is a team effort. If one spouse has cancer, it's not just that one that has to deal with it. And it's so important for the healthy spouse to get love and attention as well as the sick one. A lot of the time the caregiver is passed over in our worry and concern for the sick person.

The other book she's reading is called "Living With the End in Mind". It's written for everyone, not just terminally ill people. It's "a practical guide to facing mortality." It also has been an eye-opener fo her to physical, spiritual, emotional, and mental health.

All in all, MaeLynn seems to be doing okay. She's trying really hard to take life one day at a time. She wants to live in the moment. A good friend told her, "Depression is the disease of living in the past. Anxiety is the disease of living in the future." MaeLynn is trying to keep both of these diseases at bay, though it can be very very hard. She keeps positive and doesn't give up just living daily life. She's a great lady.

So....how does she look?

2010-03-04T20:18:00.000-08:00

Here she is, Miss America! I finally convinced MaeLynn to pose so that we can see her well. I don't know if it's the morbid side of me, but I thought people might want to see how she's faring. The inevitable happened the other day....someone asked her if she was expecting. Awkward!!! She's thinking, "Um, no. This is just my parasitic tumor, Wilma. Say hello."

Of course she didn't SAY that, she was very polite.

She actually does call the tumor(s) Wilma, though. It's kind of funny in that crazy I'm-dying-so-I've-got-to-find-humor-in-something sort of way.

February Was Good

2010-03-01T20:00:00.000-08:00

So here we are in March already! MaeLynn has had some good experiences these last few weeks!

Her trip to Vegas with her biological family was a lot of fun. She was really tired when she got home, but was glad she went.

Having Andrew home with her all the time has been beyond wonderful. She really loves having him there, and he lasted three whole days before he needed a short break! They'll just keep working on building up his stamina :). He's been a huge help to MaeLynn. She says he's always there at her beck and call. He helps the kids. He disciplines the kids...(he's not the softy that Mae is :) But they LOVE having him there.

She was a little worried that they would get sick of each other really quick, but that has not been the case. It does help to have the two older girls gone to school for a few hours each day, and the twins and Abby gone to preschool two days a week. I don't think I mentioned this before, but the preschool "All About Kids" has been awesome to work with MaeLynn and her family in this crisis. This preschool has the kids come for almost the whole day, two days a week. They feed them, make them take NAPS (hallelujah!), etc.. It's just what the doctor ordered.

And...now that Andy's home, sometimes the two of them just get to relax and be together. MaeLynn says it almost feels like they're on a date when all the kids are out. She said it really relieves some anxiety to have him home.

Her pain was increasing, but with the increased pain medication, she seems to be doing tolerably pain-wise. Her tumors are really growing, and while she is very thin, her abdomen is not-so-very-thin. She feels bloated a lot of the time as her endocrine system is not working up to par.

On a happier note, this last week she got to fly in a small airplane with her two oldest girls. Kendall, who will be 8 in July, has always wanted to fly in a plane. MaeLynn mentioned this to a friend, and he hooked her up with a flight with Kendall and Ellie (6). The girls were petrified and so excited. It was definitely a trip to remember! Kendall's dream come true.

MaeLynn also got to visit with her cousins and aunts from her Mother's side (my cousins and aunts, too) this last Saturday at a "Cousin's Lunch". She even had two cousins fly in from out of state...one from WA, and the other from CA. It was a fun day, but tiring. She hurried home Saturday night to a clean house and sobbing children. I asked one of the twins if his mom had left him for one whole day. "Uh-huh!!!" he whimpered. "Was it just terrible?" "Uh-huh!!" Drama, drama.

It didn't ease Mae's mind much, but I'm sure they had a great time.

One last cute thing: The other day, Triston wrapped his arms around MaeLynn's neck and said, "Mama? You goin' be dead?" "Yes, I am." Then with that sweet little face he said, "We will miss you." The same thought that I'm sure is in everyone's minds.

MaeLynn's Video

2010-02-14T09:03:00.000-08:00

This is MaeLynn's friend Patty Bartholomew posting. For MaeLynn's big birthday bash I put together a video of special moments in MaeLynn's life. We thought it would be a good idea to post it here for those of you who weren't able to make it. All the scriptures included in the movie were requested by MaeLynn as was the "Silent Lucidity" song towards the end. A big THANK YOU to everyone who came to the party. It was a huge success and MaeLynn and Andy had a fabulous time. I mean, who WOULDN'T have fun participating in an indoor snowball fight with marshmallows! Pinatas, games galore, chocolate fountain, fruit, a beautiful cake.... and of course, great company. So many people came and showed their love and support for the Harris family. It was an amazing night. Thank you!!!!

Also...this was my first time ever doing a movie... so pardon all the mistakes! Enjoy.

One More Thing

2010-02-13T20:20:00.000-08:00

If anyone has pictures from the b-day party, or just pictures of Mae they want on the blog, they can e-mail them to me at lauraloo42@gmail.com.

And we are in the process of getting a button on this site for anyone who wants to contribute to a trust fund for the Harris family. I just need to talk to the right people :)

Birthday Party Just What She Needed!

2010-02-13T19:03:00.000-08:00

So it's been two weeks since MaeLynn's giant birthday bash, and I've finally got the down-low:). MaeLynn wants to let everyone know that she had an AWESOME night at her birthday party. She was happily surprised at how many people actually came. She was also really glad that once people came they stayed and visited and played games. She felt like she was on an emotional high all night. Her father-in-law said he hasn't seen her laugh and smile that much in a LONG time. It was almost hard to believe that she's terminally ill. She looked and sounded fabulous!

She was able to visit with friends and family from high school days, college, Yorkshire ward, her new ward, Harris friends/family, and her biological family. She even had an old roommate fly out from NY for the party. It was SO fun! Not only for her, but everyone else, as well. She wants to thank everyone for their thoughtful gifts, donations, and just their presence! She also wants to tell her good friends, Patty, Sarah, Leesa, and Courtney, "THANK YOU!!!" for planning and carrying out the best party ever!

This weekend she's heading to Las Vegas for her niece's first birthday. This will only be the second time she's ever seen her niece, so she was excited to go. Plus she gets to spend the weekend with Andrew and her biological mom and dad, which she almost never gets to do. She just hopes the traveling doesn't make her sick and crazy :(. Her sweet mom is watching the kids for her for the weekend.

Life is going as well as can be expected under the circumstances. The pain just keeps increasing, so she is now using two fentanyl patches at a time, along with Percocet. For anyone who doesn't know much about drugs, that's ALOT! She says that the chronic pain can be so debilitating, so it's nice to have some way to cope with it. That said, it's still really difficult to function normally because all those narcotics make her extremely tired. She really just wants to sleep most of the time.

Fortunately, some money from MaeLynn's life insurance has come, so Andrew is quitting his job and will be focusing on staying home and caring for MaeLynn and the five crazies (a.k.a the children :). Hopefully she'll be able to get the rest she needs and desires and be able to spend some quality time with her kids when she's awake.

She remains positive, as always, although some days are harder than others. She really appreciates the hospice nurse that comes twice a week and the hospice social worker who is trying to help everyone to deal with the whole situation. The kids seem to be doing alright, but they are so little. It's hard to know how much this is affecting/will affect them. It's so hard to understand, but we just keep praying for things to fall into place. I'm sure you all are.

30th Birthday Party

2010-01-14T12:16:00.000-08:00

So it looks like the Birthday Bash is open to anyone and everyone who would like to come. A lot of preparations are going into it....it will be tons of fun! Who knows, along with visiting with MaeLynn you may see old friends and get to rekindle old flames! Hahaha Hope everyone can come. If you know people that don't check the blog, let them know about the party :)

Wonderful Christmas...Crappy Update

2010-01-04T08:25:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year everyone!! My New Year's Resolution: Update MaeLynn's blog more often. Although, to give me a tiny bit of credit, MaeLynn did say that SHE would update it last month...so it wasn't entirely my fault :)

Here's what's new. MaeLynn and her family had the most fabulous Christmas ever! They were the recipients of Sub for Santa from the Mounted Police in Logan/Cache County. They were nominated to be a "Decorated Family" which meant that multiple people called in to a radio station in Logan, nominating them to be one of two families in the valley to have their homes lit outside by Specialized Lawn Care & Pest Control. They also received gift cards and services from a bunch of other businesses in Logan and Cache Valley as part of the "Decorated Family" thing.

Their family also received many gifts and money from friends, family, and anonymous generous people, including a new van, a get-away package for her and Andy, and a VCR/DVD player. MaeLynn wants to thank EVERYONE for their generosity and support in this crazy time. She would give names, but she knows she'd forget someone. She is constantly overwhelmed by the outpouring of love!

As always, Mae remains optimistic and just keeps on trucking. She did get a crappy new prognosis from her doctor just after Thanksgiving, though....which is why she wanted to write it herself last month. However, it's just been too busy, and MaeLynn doesn't know how to say it without sounding blunt and heartless....so I get to be the blunt heartless one. :)

Andrew wondered what the new tumors, and old-tumor-growth meant time-wise, so he decided to go talk to MaeLynn's doctor without MaeLynn there. MaeLynn would really rather not know how long she has left to live so that she can live her life as normally as possible till the end. But when Andy got home from the doctor's office he kept pestering her about it. She finally gave in and Andy told her that the doctor said he doesn't think she has more than six months left to live.

Wow.

That's alot easier to type than it is to ingest.

When a patient has been given six months or less to live, they can get a "doctor's note" and get on hospice care. From what I understand, hospice can be incredible. MaeLynn's insurance will cover it 80%, which is really nice. Through them she can get her digestive enzymes and pain medication for free, they offer counseling services for MaeLynn and her family, they can basically come into her home and do whatever she needs them to. At this point, she still feels well enough that she doesn't need any physical care, but her family is struggling emotionally. She will start having someone come in once a month to just be around her and the kids so that they can get used to hospice workers....and the workers can offer counseling and support.

MaeLynn is doing about the same. She feels nauseous quite often, and very tired. She has lost a lot of weight...about 30 pounds since June. But she still looks good. It's almost impossible to think she doesn't have much longer to live. And she still believes that miracles can and do happen and that possibly her miracle will be that she lives longer than expected.

That said, she and Andrew have been focusing on how to prepare for her absence. They have a good financial advisor who is helping them cash in on part of her life insurance before she dies. They can set up accounts and re-invest part of it that they can live off of later. They also want to create some wonderful memorable experiences with their kids in the next few months, so they will use some of the life insurance money for that. Andrew will try to work a minimal amount of hours so that he can phase into being Mr. Mom.

It seems like there are so many people to see and things to do in such a short time. Some of MaeLynn's friends and ward members are throwing her an early 30th birthday party because no one knows how she'll feel by April 11th. There she'll be able to catch up with Cache Valley friends and have a big celebration for her 30th birthday.

Like I said earlier, MaeLynn is doing okay. She has moments when everything comes crashing in on her emotionally, but she is such a pillar of faith and patience. She seems to be handling the situation better than most people, including myself. Sorry for this news. Until next time....

Well-it's still there...

2009-11-21T11:15:00.001-08:00

MaeLynn says Hello everyone! She's doing pretty well, under the circumstances. The results from the CAT scan are that the cancer is bigger where it was before, and there are new spots in her liver and lungs. The good news is that her liver is still functioning "normally"! The blood test for the chromagranin A shows that she now has 51,000 ppm. (About 1,000 times a normal person) She doesn't know if there's a max to how much her body can handle. That will be a question for the next time she sees her oncologist.

She is starting to feel nauseous a lot of the time, and says that her "guts feel squished"... especially on her right side where her liver is. When she coughs or sneezes or laughs or yawns, it hurts. It's like her diaphragm and lungs don't have quite enough room to expand.

She's still trying to figure out how to refill her digestive enzyme prescriptions without going to the poorhouse. At one point her insurance told her that she could get a generic prescription for $10...but when she went to the pharmacy, they told her that her prescription IS the generic brand. It costs $160. The name brand costs $240. To some people that might be pocket change, but not MaeLynn (or lots of other people, for that matter:)).

MaeLynn, of course, remains positive and fairly upbeat. She was able to go to an elementary school friends retreat a couple of weekends ago, a girl's night out to see the "New Moon" movie...and liked it! (Although she still refuses to read the books)

Her funny news for this week is that for Thanksgiving, she and her in-laws (none of whom want to be cooking and cleaning all day) are going to dinner at Angie's Restaurant in Logan. It's a fund raiser for the Child and Family Support Center at USU...so it's for a good cause. And she doesn't have to sweat all week thinking about all that WORK called "Thanksgiving". Hope you all have a good week. MaeLynn is thankful for all of you and your support. Until next time...

November News

2009-11-04T14:26:00.000-08:00

So, not much has been happening since I last posted. Sorry, once again, that I'm so slow at posting things.

MaeLynn had a doctor's appointment last week and had some bloodwork done to see how her liver is functioning and to check the chromagranin A levels. She still doesn't have the results...but the appointment went well.

She discovered that she CAN drive! Apparently when she got her Fentanyl patch, the pharmacist told her that since it is an extreme narcotic, she would not be able to drive while on it. Or...she could drive, but if she ever got pulled over, she could get a DUI. BUT when she was talking to her doctor this last week, he said that she is perfectly fine driving while using the patch. YAY!!!

They also discovered something kind of strange. MaeLynn apparently had forgotten to put a new patch on one morning after she took off the old patch and had crazy symptoms of withdrawals all day...no surprise there. She didn't realize until that evening that she had forgotten to put the patch back on...so then she put the patch back on,remedied the problem, and has been fine ever since. What the doctor wanted to know was, "Didn't you have extreme gut pain to let you know that the patch wasn't on?" "Well, no," was MaeLynn's reply. Sooooo...what is going on with her insides if they didn't hurt that much without the pain killers?

Along with the blood work, they did a CAT scan....so we'll have to let you know the results of that when we find out.

Another YAY hooray item on the schedule is that some people in MaeLynn's ward have coordinated with friends to have Kendall and Ellie take dance lessons every Thursday night. It will kind of give MaeLynn a break, and get the girls out and about. They also worked out a day of preschool for the boys and Abby! So every Tuesday for a few hours in the morning, MaeLynn will be almost child-free! (Ellie doesn't leave for school until after the little ones get home....but still! One kid is so much simpler than four!!)

I don't know if I mentioned this before, but she also has a woman in her ward helping her with laundry, and another woman helping her clean once a week. People are so wonderful to help whenever and however they can. And of course, her wonderful parents and in-laws are a HUGE blessing. Last week Andrew was gone hunting for a few days and all kinds of family were there to help her out. And they survived Halloween! With the boys as policemen, Kendall as an Indian princess, Ellie as a fairy, and Abby as something-cute-I-can't-remember-what. (What kind of horse's mouth am I anyway??)

One last thing...MaeLynn is a little concerned about replenishing her digestive enzymes that she HAS to take. Apparently when she found out she had cancer, the doctors gave her a bunch of samples for free....and they've lasted her quite a while. She's gotten to the end of her supply, however, and her insurance doesn't cover the name-brand enzymes she's been using. It would be a $160 co-pay for a prescription. I can't remember how long they last....but she's really hoping the generic enzymes will work just as well. They are only a $10 co-pay. So pray for her. Like you're already doing, I'm sure. Finances are extremely tight, so if anyone can spare a bit, it would be really appreciated. I always hate asking people for money, but it's for a sweet family in need.

question

2009-10-04T22:52:00.000-07:00

question, for you blog savy people:
Is there a way to search for a specific blog without having the address? mae84341@yahoo.com

MaeLynn again

2009-10-04T21:52:00.000-07:00

Surprise! It's MaeLynn again. Miracles really do never cease. First, I'd better clear something up. The Fentanyl pain patch I am on has to be worn all the time. I wish I could take it off and on as needed, but it is extremely addictive and is only prescribed when other opioid pain meds don't cut it. I forgot to replace the patch one night last week and was surprised to realize that I hadn't experienced pain all day (without the usual dose). Being the optimist (and sometimes dummy) I am, I decided that perhaps the pain had subsided, and didn't put a new patch on. A few hours later (just as I was crawling into bed) I experienced the strangest sensation. It hit me without warning. I wanted to crawl out of my skin and run for miles. I felt antsy and agitated and the lights were too bright. I started itching like a dog with fleas. It was awful! These, my friends, are symptoms of withdrawal (My hubby, the know-it-all, filled me in). I don't ever want to feel that again, and am happy to take the teasing that comes when I zone out. The good news is that I actually tolerate the meds pretty well now. You should have seen me the first week! The bad news is that now I can't drive. If I were to get pulled over, I would get a DUI, and the risk is just not worth it. It's tough being dependent upon people to get from point A to point B (especially when we need 6 seat belts). I don't like winter (never have), and worry that the cabin fever is going to get pretty extreme this year.

The fentanyl used during labor is a liquid form, given through the IV. I actually had it (because I can't have epidurals, thank you very much) while in labor with all my kids. Works like a charm for about 45 min, does not cause withdrawals.

The pain that prompted me to see the Doctor again (about a month ago now) was in my kidneys. I've never had kidney pain before. Dr. BenJacob said that the lymph nodes over my kidney's are probably inflamed now and infected. That can cause extreme pain. There are lymph nodes associated with all major organs. Sounds fun....I am so grateful for meds!

I'm not making Kombucha any more. It tastes yeasty to me, and kind of reminds me of vinegary beer. Yuck! Andrew seems to have gotten his fill. Does anyone want a "magic mushroom?" I have finally found a health"potion" that I like. It's called Seven and is made by Exfuze. It contains extracts from seven different super fruits found all over the world. You may have heard of a few of them: Noni, Acai, or Seabuckthorn? I must be a real wimp, because technically, I'm dying, and I still won't drink some of the teas that people have suggested. If a dying person won't drink it, maybe its REALLY bad! Seven is actually pretty tasty. I dare say I could probably drink 8 oz. a day. A person is only supposed to drink 1 oz. No, this is not an advertisement. :)

Another thing I have started doing is juicing. I got a fabulous Jack LaLanne juicer (supposed to be one of the best) on sale and have significantly upped my fruit and veggie intake. I find that I just don't have the patience to eat a whole plate of fruit. It's overwhelming. However, I'll happily drink the plate of healthy stuff when it's been reduced to a glass of juice. I'm now a big fan of juicing.

In case you were wondering, I didn't do a bunch of blood work or tests at my last Dr. appointment. We decided that it would be rather silly to invest the time and mental energy and money because no matter what the tests say, I'm not going to change my decision on formal treatment. I am a big fan of "alternative" medicine though, and am willing to try just about anything outside of a hospital. I don't know why I'm such a fan. I've just been curious my whole life. Seems like there is so much good out there that our western society doesn't take part in. I heard that a lady in the neighborhood practices raeki (spelling?). It's a type of ancient energy work. I think I'll go give her a call.

I send you all my love,
MaeLynn

Why Not Try Something Crazy....so crazy....it just might work...

2009-09-18T20:24:00.000-07:00

So I finally talked to MaeLynn about how her appointment went with the internist, and there really isn't much more to tell than what I've already told :). Her chromagranin A levels are the indicator of growth of the cancer, so if it's higher this month than it was before, that means there is more cancer than there was before.

She remains positive (and slightly drugged...haha). Apparently the phentanol patch helps so much that she keeps it on all the time. Anything to help the pain!

She has come across a couple of natural approaches to suspending the growth of the cancer. One is called an alkaline diet which changes the pH in the body. Apparently cancer can not grow in an extremely alkaline environment, so....make the body alkaline=stop the growth. Some things that are really good for her to eat are wheatgrass (and other types of grasses), dandelions (haven't tried that one, yet), cucumbers, and jicama. There are only a few things that she should totally steer clear of such as beef, pork, tuna, and artificial sweeteners. Just the four things that we LOVE! I'm not sure how long she's been trying to follow this diet, so I'm not sure exactly how it's going for her...but hopefully good!

Another thing she's been trying is brewing her own mushroom tea called Kombucha. I would try to explain it, but you'd get a lot more correct information if you check it out on Wikipedia. It's really interesting. People claim that it has natural healing properties....so why not? What does she have to lose? I guess Andy likes it, anyway.

She's getting along pretty well right now. As I type this, she is in Wyoming at an adults only retreat with Andy's family. Her sweet mother is watching those five crazy kids for her (crazy---but cute, I should say). Hopefully the weekend goes well for everyone. It's funny. Some people have mentioned how if they knew they were dying, they would treasure every moment with their children. BUT, watching MaeLynn and her kids...I've come to realize that although you DO want to treasure every moment, kids are still kids. A tired mom is still a tired mom. There are still moments of spanks and swearing (haha) and throwing-up-of-the-hands. Life is still life. It's busy, it's wonderful, it's frustrating, it's good. We still need adult retreats every once in awhile.

Oh one more thing for tonight...apparently the Zions' donation bank account is closed now. However, there is a Wells Fargo donation account and a Lewiston State Bank donation account set up for the Harris family. I'm pretty sure it's under MaeLynn's name. So if you ever have a bit extra to send their way they'd greatly appreciate it. They also want to thank everyone for all their support in whatever way it's given. This is quite the experience.

A Pain in the &($#(&@# along with other areas

2009-09-09T11:26:00.000-07:00

Sorry it's been so long since I've posted anything. We always hope no news is good news, right?

On that note, things are going alright for MaeLynn. Not perfect, but alright. A couple of weeks ago she got to go on a weekend getaway with some old college roommates. It was SO fun and relaxing. However, while she was there, she was having some pretty extreme pains in her 'gut'. So after the long weekend, she called her oncologist, and got in to see him. He was able to prescribe a phentanol patch for her. It is a small transparent patch about two inches long and one inch wide that releases the drug phentanolthat she can put anywhere on her upper body . It's used for chronic pain and interestingly enough, women in labor.

The patch has helped a lot, although when used in combination with her everyday Lortab, she says it makes her VERY tired. When I saw her a few days after she got the patch, she could barely keep her eyes open while we talked. But the PAIN is taken care of...and that's good. She apparently doesn't need the patch all the time, either. She can wear it for three days, and then take a break until she feels like she needs it again.

While she was at the oncologist, they also drew some blood to see how her hormone levels are doing. I guess that's a good indicator of what the cancer is doing without having to do CT scans etc.

For a little background, everyone has a hormone called chromagranin A in their bodies. A normal person has about 50 parts per million (ppm) of this hormone in their blood. When MaeLynn found out she had cancer 2 1/2 months ago, she had 23,000 ppm of this hormone in her blood. When she got the results back this last week from her blood test, the chromagranin A was at 32,000 ppm. She didn't know exactly what that meant, but it doesn't sound great. She had an appointment with her internist last Friday to talk about the results of the blood test, but I haven't had a chance to find out how that went.

I'll let you all know more when I know more. Hope everyone is well.

From MaeLynn

2009-08-10T14:28:00.000-07:00

Hello all! This is MaeLynn. I thought that maybe it's time I say something on here. First, I'm so grateful to Laura for having the ambition to create a blog for me in the first place. Those of you who know me well know that I'm a tech/electronics/computer idiot. Actually, I just don't care about tech/electronics/computers. There are just so many other things I'd rather spend my time on--or have to spend my time on. I just get way too frustrated long before I learn how to do anything. I just want to get things done and don't enjoy trying to figure things (like posting pictures or creating a blog) out on my own. My kids are screwed because Andrew doesn't care about it either. Anywho, thank you Laura!

I feel bad that there are still people who don't know that I have terminal cancer. It's not an easy thing to just slip into conversation. I told many close friends and family on the phone. It's easier than face to face because often the person I am talking to will not respond (for an uncomfortable amount of time) or will burst into tears. I have found myself saying sorry--sorry to be the deliverer of bad news! I debated for two months before finally putting a note on my face book page about this blog. Finding out through the computer seems so cold and impersonal. Plus, I don't want to say, "Look at me, look at me, feel bad for me." That's not what I am trying to do. It's just that in the middle of the night I still think of people I haven't told. I'd like that to stop.

So, the update is that nothing has changed. I feel fine. Of course, I get tired easier, but that is my biggest complaint. I take a nap every afternoon when the twins and Abby do, and Andrew basically takes over every night when he gets home from work. I have been extremely blessed. The doctor gave me some digestive enzyme pills that I take every time I eat, and that has actually eliminated the pain that caused me to go to the doctor in the first place. The tumors in my liver and pancreas are secreting a hormone called Chromogranin A. The doctors don't even really know what Chromogranin A does (because people only have about 50 parts per million), but apparently large doses cause hot flashes. Some days are worse than others. I don't know why. I have an appointment with my internist on Aug. 25th. I am sure we will do blood work then and see where we are. I don't have any future appointments with the oncologist scheduled. He was fabulous, but may not understand why a 29-year-old has chosen not to pursue treatment.

I just have to say that I can testify that our Lord works in mysterious ways. So many good things have come from my diagnosis. Sounds crazy, I know. I'd like to share a few of them. Being terminally ill has caused me to:

* have conversations with loved ones that I had been avoiding for years
* develop a better relationship with my Savior and be more faithful in doing things I have always felt were important
* be more forgiving and accepting of Andrew's weaknesses
* be more patient with the kids. They really are sweet. The naughty things they do usually stem from curiousity.
* re-evaluate my priorities. A clean house is really not important.

It has also:
* served (as bad things usually do) as a reminder to other people that life is fragile. We all act like we have tons of tomorrows, we really don't.
* caused people to serve. Sometimes it's hard to be the recipient of service, but for me it's been fabulous! I love having people around me. Perhaps the people who are serving need an opportunity or motivator to serve more than I need my laundry done. It's silly that we don't just serve each other because we want to. Why do people have to "need" service before we do anything to help? Anyway, four months ago I was struggling with the fact that I felt alone on a daily basis. I was overwhelmed with my responsibilities, and continually thought, "How is it possible that I live on a planet with six plus billion people and feel so abandoned?" Well, strange thing happened---I got cancer and now there are people around me all the time!

I have learned so many things in the last two months. I am excited to see what else I learn along the way. Love you all, MaeLynn

Big Decision

2009-07-20T21:37:00.001-07:00

Tonight MaeLynn told me that she had decided what to do about her cancer. After much contemplation, soul searching, and talking things over with Andrew, MaeLynn has decided not to do anything.

She has had the hardest time trying to decide WHAT to do, and when she finally decided not to do anything, she feels totally at peace. Whatever may come may come, but she is going to make the most of whatever time she has left with us.

Maybe the miracle will be that her body will be healthier longer than it should be under the circumstances. She's already doing better than lots of people in stage 4 of cancer. She knows that a lot of people will think she's crazy, and she's fine with that. :)

Other than that, I don't have much news to report. Although...if anyone would like to donate to "the cause"...which is now just trying to help Andy and Mae wade through previous doctors' bills and life in general, Andy's Grandpa Harris has set up a donation account through Zion's Bank in Logan under MaeLynn's name. You can go in to deposit money, or send checks...but I'm under the impression that you can not do electronic transfers. More info on that later. You could also send a check straight to MaeLynn at:

784 North 300 East
Logan, UT 84321

They appreciate all the prayers and help from everyone.

Tuesday at the Huntsman Cancer Institute

2009-07-05T15:05:00.000-07:00

I haven't had a chance to talk to MaeLynn much about what went on last Tuesday. I thought her mother summed it up well in an e-mail, though....so I'm just going to post that for now. Hope she doesn't mind.

Hello Everyone,
It's really quiet around our house this morning. MaeLynn's family left last night after staying with us for a few days. It started when they came down last Fri. evening so they would be here in time to be at the Oquirrh Temple open house early Sat. morning. Kendall, especially, was excited to be able to go in to a temple. It is a beautiful, small temple...much like the the others... compact and simple.

Saturday we also celebrated the twins' 3rd birthday. It's hard to believe time has gone by so fast.

Yesterday MaeLynn had appointments at the Huntsman Center. She, Andrew, and Jerry were up there nearly all day. The doctors there said that at least 50% of her liver was functioning. People can survive with a liver functioning at 20%. He would recommend the intravenous treatment which would kill the exisiting cancer cells and follow it up with chemo. Their MO at the Huntsman is for the doctors to examine the patient, meet together in discussion, and then move forward. They will be meeting next Tues. and then contact MaeLynn with their recommendations. So we will wait again, now, until next Tues.

Hope all is going well. Thank you for your faith and prayers.
Love,
Marie

Amazing Generosity

2009-06-26T05:38:00.000-07:00

When I went to MaeLynn's house yesterday, I was amazed at the transformation that had taken place! While the Harrises were in SanDiego, many people came together and gave the house a facelift! The kids keep calling it an extreme makeover. It includes, but I'm sure is not limited to the following:

Deep cleaning
Organization of closets, cupboards, and pantry
New family pictures hung on the walls
Curtains in the kitchen windows and kids bedrooms
Front porch cleaned off (including the diaper bucket!)
New couches
New 'big boy' beds for the twins
New comforters for all the kids' beds
A new toilet in the upstairs bathroom that actually flushes!
Fixed gate to the backyard and raingutters
Ripped out bushes in front yard and planted flowers, brought in woodchips
Weeded and planted a garden
Washed and cleaned out the family car, had it serviced, filled it up with gas
Etc., Etc., Etc.

MaeLynn was blown away by it all and wants to thank Nana's friends from the hospital, Dave, Karl, Chris, Logan 10th Ward youth, and the many many people she's not even aware of that helped with the project. As soon as we get our cameras/pictures coordinated, we'll post some of "the new" look!

Health-wise, MaeLynn is doing okay. She says the pain is minimal, as long as she eats "just right". This means eating tiny bits of food all day long. If she actually ate what would consist of a meal, she would feel much worse. Too much food at one time is really hard on her. She is also very exhausted all the time which makes it really hard to accomplish anything. She wonders if part of the exhaustion is just from the emotional stress of handling something of this magnitude.

Luckily, she has amazing friends and family who are more than willing to help out. Andy's sister takes the kids once a week, his aunt takes them another day. People have been bringing meals in a few times a week. The Relief Society in her ward sent around a sign-up sheet to see who would be willing to help and MaeLynn almost cried when she saw the list. Basically anyone who was in Relief Society that Sunday signed up. What a huge blessing to know there are so many people who can help.

Doctor-wise, Mae will be going to the Huntsman Center next Tuesday (June 30th) to get second opinions from an oncologist and a surgical oncologist. When she first found out she had this rare type of cancer, the doctors told her that her body would probably not respond to typical chemo, but then the oncologist in Logan made it sound like they SHOULD do chemo to address all the areas where the cancer is/might be. The doctor in Logan also consulted other specialists of neuroendocrine cancer and they agreed that this is what should happen.

The only problem is, there are no sure answers, and this makes it so hard to make a decision. Will the chemo prolong the pain? Quality is more important than quantity to MaeLynn. With some types of cancer, they have on-going clinical trials that people can be part of. But this cancer is so rare that there aren't any clinical trials happening right now.

There was one treatment that Andy and Mae heard of that seemed plausible...called octreotide. It included an injection in the muscle of very high doses of a synthetic version of a hormone your body makes. The side effects didn't sound as awful as chemo, but then MaeLynn found out that her body's seratonin production would be inhibited (which she already struggles with), and absorption of medications and food would be stopped. So basically, she'd have constant diarrhea and crippling depression. Not worth it.

MaeLynn has had several priesthood blessings and she really feels at peace with whatever may come. She knows that the end of her life will not be the end of her family.

On a brighter and final note, she and her family have all kinds of trips and reunions planned for the next few weeks in Logan Canyon, Park City, Salt Lake, and Cottonwood Canyon in Wyoming. After July 16th, we'll start organizing more help for Mae.

She says THANK YOU again to everyone's help and prayers, and really appreciates everyone's support. Until next time....

Back From Vacation

2009-06-23T12:48:00.000-07:00

So MaeLynn and family are back from San Diego. They got to stay in a condo on the edge of a cliff looking out over the ocean....it was amazing, Mae reports! She and Andy also had a wonderful two nights of respite in Salt Lake (without the kids!!!) for their 8th Anniversary.

I talked to her last night, and she's still trying to decide exactly what to do about/when to start treatment. She's open to any homeopathic suggestions if anyone has any.

Friends and family in Logan (or anyone who'd like to come) are invited to a meeting at MaeLynn's house this Thursday night, June 25th at 8:00 p.m. to discuss how and when people can help her out. Bring your brainstorms, notebooks, and a treat if you'd like.

As soon as I can, I'll try to post some pictures of her vacation. Till next time......

A Week and a half Later

2009-06-14T06:57:00.000-07:00

Sorry it has taken me so long to update this! Luckily, no news is fairly good news.

MaeLynn had more tests done on Monday the 8th in Logan. They were looking for cancer in any other parts of her body, i.e. brain, lungs, other soft tissue.

She then talked to an oncologist on Tuesday to review the tests. Fortunately, they did not find anything except for some small spots on her lungs. Apparently it's too risky to do a biopsy on her lungs, so they are hoping that if it IS cancer, it will be treated with whatever they use to treat the cancer in her pancreas and/or liver.

Treatment won't start for a couple of weeks because, HOORAY! MaeLynn's on vacation! An amazingly generous friend of Andy's aunt loaned them a condo in San Diego for a week. So MaeLynn, Andy, the kids, Nanna and Papa, and Jamie Harris Norton and her kids all drove down. They left on Wednesday the 10th, and won't be back until Friday the 19th. Then on Saturday the 20th, MaeLynn and Andy are going to spend a couple of nights/days in Salt Lake for their 8th Anniversary (which is June 22nd), complements of Pam and Lee.

The doctor says he thinks the vacation is a great idea, and that they'll just start treatment when MaeLynn returns home. If my facts are right, MaeLynn will be taking oral medication along with intravenous medication (which I'm assuming means chemo, but I'm not sure, and haven't had a chance to ask MaeLynn)

MaeLynn seems very upbeat about it all. I don't know if I said this last time, but it all feels very surreal at this point.

Thank you to everyone for your prayers and fasting last fast Sunday. Thanks also to everyone's notes and phone calls. If you're looking for a way to help out, MaeLynn said that Grandpa Harris is arranging a fund that anyone can donate to. I'll keep you posted on that. She could also use help at home, I'm sure, in a few weeks. I'll keep you posted about that also.

Keep praying and don't lose faith and hope. Mosiah 4:9---Believe in God; believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend.

My Blog by Laura

2009-06-05T08:19:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone! This is Laura, MaeLynn's cousin, starting a blog for Mae. Also for all you who are wondering exactly what is going on and want to hear it from the horse's mouth. I guess that makes me the horse, and hopefully I can do a good job of this.

So here goes.

If you're reading this blog, you already know that MaeLynn found out this last Wednesday that she is in stage 4 of low-grade neuroendocrine cancer. They have found it in her pancreas and liver, and will be doing more tests on Monday, June 15th, 2009 to see if it has spread to other areas.

MaeLynn is doing all right. She has been having abdominal and back pains since October, and since she found out this news, they don't seem to be any better or worse...just still there, of course.

She will be talking to an oncologist on Tuesday to figure out a plan of attack, but until then, she doesn't know exactly what will be happening.

The doctors say that statisitically people with this type of cancer (which is actually quite rare) live 3-5 years. We wish it was decades, but it is what it is.

She has five kids now, the oldest one will turn seven in July. The youngest will be two in August. When Andy took Ellie, the five-year-old aside to talk to her about MaeLynn's condition, her first question was, "Where will we bury her?" (MaeLynn said she could just picture Ellie thinking about the dogs buried in the backyard or out on the farm) So Andy took her to the cemetery to show her, and she looked worried. "Are we going to have to dig the hole?" No, "Oh No!" or tears or anything...just hopes that she wasn't going to have to do all the work.

Later when they were talking about how people get their hair and make-up done and wear their temple clothes when they die, Ellie asked, "Doesn't all your hair fall out when you die?" And Andy said, "No...in fact it keeps growing after you die," thinking 'just a little'. But Ellie thought for a minute and asked, "So when we're wez-uh-wected will we all have weally long hair?"

It gave Andy and Mae a good laugh, and hopefully the funny moments will make the unbearable ones more bearable.

More to come next week!